Patricia's Blog

How to Teach?

2010-12-20T15:00:00.001-08:00

After enroling in the program for 4 months, I have felt that my whole being is 'sucked up' because of the level of commitment required for everyday preparation. For some other people, it would be fine to participate a bit more with class social activities or even some extra training. I always seem to struggle with time and regular needs. I even find myself changing my sleep schedule, work habits, and eating preferences. It is unbelievable! I very much hope to read a bit more books (I haven't read much or exercised much to fulfill the needs of being a teacher!). It feels like a plant having no water in the roots. Reading, resting, and exercising is just like finding an oasis in a desert. I would have no idea how people would survive by going out every night for drinks, dates, and church commitments. There is no time or space left for self-nourishment in the mind and the soul.

Teaching in Vancouver is challenging because we are struggling with the diverse needs of student population. It is very diverse that makes teachers feeling a bit uneasy, because teachers should aim to work with many cultural and religious differences. We have to identify the living environment of the student in order to be supportive, constructive, and positive about their learning process. Comparing to the system in HK, students in Vancouver have more freedom to express who they are, learn what they desire, and have more opportunities to discover about self. For instance, students in HK have a teen culture that evolves around exams, competition, and preparation towards foreign secondary institutes. I feel sorry for the little ones who constantly go to after-school tutoring, just because they can win the game ahead of everyone measured according to time but not their level of intelligence. Although I have had a hard time with students in Vancouver 'slacking off' by having no homework, I think that having homework is a means to train self-discipline and studying habits. It helps students to develop a sense of commitment to something that requires their attention that is essential and be personally responsible for it. I don't believe that students know how to regulate their own self, unless someone like a parent or a teacher who models and guides their thoughts and actions. I would have a hard time if parents challenge me about the necessity of giving homework. As teachers, we would have to spend time in marking them. There is a reason why we give homework in order to keep learning as two-way. Students don't just listen receptively. They think about the questions that they don't know at home and would come back to discuss together in-class. They learn how to work with others. As far as I know, I'd be a bit disappointed when students don't do their homework and would expect to pass each grade. It would be a tough time for me as a new teacher.

Road to Sainthood

2010-12-20T09:10:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd never write about my mother, because her story should end as her life 'ended' about 10 years ago back in Vancouver. My enriched perception about life and death is part of being 'who I am' and 'why I am here.' I feel challenged and confused as my aging father is sharing more and more about himself. What would happen if my father had a second spouse? Why do we live the way that we are today? Is it all about social development or economic advantage? Or, is it because that we all are striving for a fuller spiritual entity that defines who we are as we end our lives on earth? I don't seem to know. Or, I sometimes even struggle with what I feel.

St. Augustine says, "The absence of good is evil." I tell my friends how important it is to be a good person, because we have to do good and choose to do it.

It is a very blessed time to visit the churches in Macau and Hong Kong, because I see a very different life form in this part of the world where the word of God is practised and spread. I enjoy every single moment to pray to God and ask for His providence and peace. Sometimes, the longer I stay in Asia, the more I feel that I'm lost from my Vancouver home. My goal should always be having my eyes on God because I should strive for the uncorrupted body with fragrant prayer reaching up to the heaven. I pray for the repose of my mother's soul and the peace of our family. In Jesus' name, amen.

Awake in the middle of the night...

2010-11-24T06:17:00.000-08:00

Restlessly, I crept out of bed this morning with a lingering thought. As I walked downstairs, I felt much safer and warmer as I reached out looking at the beautiful Christmas tree. The more I see it, the more I feel that I have a stronger presence.

As an honest truth, my senior high school was never a pleasant experience. I struggled through personal issues with family and relationship problems. Although academic marks were good enough to get me into the university, I never felt belonged but rejected.

I remembered that having pairs of eyes watching me from time to time in school. There were some very kind people who heard stories about me, but I didn't even know who they were. I received all that 'public attention', but none personally from this person whom I cared but I could not express my feelings. I was confused.

However, in the deepest valleys of my mind, I dreamed of this growing child who also becomes part of this fantasized world. I saw this child calling out his unique name. I wonder why my dreams would involve a person's child whom I haven't seen for almost 10 years+. At the end of the day, do I really care?

Having said that, are men really 'proud' of their number of girlfriends whom they have met before their marriage or when will they have their first sexual encounter? If you really love your wife, do you even care saying this to the world? I ponder. What kind of self-esteem is this? I also question why men would call their 'girlfriends' like 'discernment partners', 'sexual partners', partners, partners, partners... it sounds like that they are just your business partners!

I also feel that women care for the quality of their relationship with the counterparts over the quantity of relationships that make us who we are. If men are not there for women, this is just a fake relationship! Period. A relationship has to be substantial. It fills our souls, our minds, and our thoughts. It does not exist in the world that men claims to know multiples ones in one place, or a series of them with one in each city. To me, personally, this claim is an absolutely insult.

In my entire life, I have been a 'middle person' for two couples. One was back in the senior highschool years. They are still dating together, but haven't got married yet. One is in the university years, they are going to get married next year. I wish I could be there to bless them and make a positive difference in this chaotic world of 'love matters.'

I learned that I didn't trust people's words over the course of years. Perhaps this would be the only way to truly protect myself. I was surprised that my husband found a way to break the ice and give me a lot of strength to overcome this trust issue. He did mention to me at one point that he sensed this problem out from me. I just wish that this could truly be resolved, because why should we be held back from our past experiences when the situation set us up for failures?

It was a painful experience. Yet, I also thought that if people are sensible enough, they would learn how to care for others, grow maturely, and be the kind of person who bring the best of our ourselves. A kid exists for his or her own purpose. He/ she doesn't exist for us to relive our experiences or a patch to our selfish hearts. He/ she is not an instrument or tool to be used, given by God as a second chance, as a way to heal the broken hearts that we once experienced. Perhaps I'm being too critical, I just wish that kids are kids. Leave them alone. Let them to be who they are. That also reminds me to be critical about myself not doing it! I was once a victim of this terrible loophole which seems to be no end...

If only one day, I can truly forgive and forget this person who sticks out in my dream from time to time... just leave me alone!!!

3rd week of classes

2010-10-02T09:02:00.000-07:00

This weekend, we have been all tired by Friday afternoon that some of us fell asleep in class, some got sick, and some just got anxious about the assignments that will be due next week. It has been a month of valuable experiences! (1 out of 10 months has been done!) Kinda excited, but at the same time, overwhelmed!! For some people, it's easy because they only have to deal with their own personal life, but for me, I had to juggle with a couple of commitments to make my first month work. Work, volunteering, b-days, and family visits have made my weekends almost packed with stuff!!! I hope to take the weekends off to recoup, cook, and nourish, but apparently this hasn't been happening except today (just because I'm sick at home). I hate this feeling! I really wanna be up and going again!!

I started my first practicum last Tuesdays, which was valuable because I got to observe classrooms of K, Grade 2, Grade 3, Grade 6, and Grade 7. I skipped out Grades 1, 4, and 5 because I have got no time. I really like the different grades that I was able to observe, although my concentration should be with the intermediate grades. I have to watch clearly what and how I speak in classroom, because this is the essential communication that I convey, plus some non-verbal gestures. I noticed that my fac advisor is very good at picking out my mistakes, but at the same time, I want this practice because this is the only way to be better! I have a lot of delivery skills to work upon, which hopefully will be a fruitful experience afterall!

Launching Out as a Student Teacher!

2010-09-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

My two weeks in school has been very fulfilling which make the days and evenings full of work, presentation, reflections, and more. Due to family commitments, I have had some difficulties in terms of scheduling, focusing, and reading at home. The only place where I feel belonged was at the church last Saturday when I was stepping on the podium to conduct. I felt that that was who I was and truly felt the space for prayer.

Speaking of prayers, I have to let myself to pray more for gaining more positivity and momentum, especially for today. No matter how much sleep I got, I knew that I had to persist in learning and getting some intelligent thoughts out from my brain :) The passion about teaching is wonderful, because I have noticed a big difference when I put enthusiasm in my teaching yesterday with my piano student that her behavior changed and focussed well to try hard. She was taking ownership of her work and putting effort in trying new skills! I was very impressed!!! I never thought of encouraging and praising my student in such a way! I only knew from behavioral theorists about how to control problem behavior. Sometimes, I just have to be a bit more carefree and go with what I know in order to teach.

I have met a lot of interesting classmates in my cohort. Two of them have come back from Asia to study in school - one from Japan and one from China. I have enjoyed talking with them because they know a lot more than I know as a foreigner traveling in these countries. I haven't been back to Asia for almost three years - I really miss my Asian roots!

At the same time, being a Vancouverite is such a bliss because you get to be exposed with the Asian cultures very closely. At the same time, I have been living in Canada for almost 16 years that I now consider myself as a Chinese Canadian more than a Canadian Chinese. Teaching is a profession about expressing who we are and how we approach the tree of knowledge in our lives through challenges and difficulties. I used to love camping, hiking, and helping others that I want to do more in the near future helping out my students!

As fearful as it can be, a student teacher faces his or her own fears, as well as fears that come directly towards himself or herself - such as time management, student's behavioral issues, report card pressure, etc. Communicating with special needs could be a tough part because it isn't everyone on the same page with the perspectives, technology, and educational training to pave the way. I hope that my experiences from special needs background could be useful for the long-run in becoming a better and more compassionate individual and teacher!

Last Day of Reset!

2010-08-09T09:01:00.000-07:00

This morning, I weighed myself to be 154 lbs/ 70 kg. Though I haven't eaten any regular meals lately, I feel like I'm more in control with my body, health, and energy. The fact that I feel less bulky makes a whole world to me. Since my grad in 2004, I underwent a lot of stages in life that changed my family and career choices. After 6 years, I'm back on my feet again. I'm back to school for post-secondary. I have my own family too.

My weight gain was related to the family changes that I experienced during the last year of university. I wasn't feeling happy - either from loneliness or relationship problems. I had to struggle while my church friends were the only ones to support. I could not stay focused in studies, thus the only way to make me stuck at the table was to eat. I felt hard to move on in life and work hard, thus I also eat. When Horace brought me out for dinners, I also eat a lot with him. When I started working, I also eat a lot of carbo to get my energy going because of the stress and anxiety that comes with care-taking special needs children. The cycle becomes uncontrollable that I can feel my body acting out like a balloon blowing up non-stop... I didn't eat a lot, but I still gained weigh. One day, my piano teacher told me that I had to stop this negative cycle. I have to thank him for alerting me! Even though my family doctor advised me to lose weigh before getting pregnant, because I don't want to become a big, fat OBASAN after giving birth to my children.

I'm glad to have felt a bit better - not only physically lighter, but also rewinding myself back to the older days where I was weak at certain aspects in life when I got challenged. This journey means a lot to me! Hope I could still continue with another 4 lbs for the next week! (lose 10 lbs in 2 weeks)

love, pat

Lost 5 lbs - true or unreal?

2010-08-08T15:35:00.000-07:00

Today, I have been on my 4th day of USANA Reset program diet. Honestly, I think that I've failed quite bad because I missed two meals of milkshake - on the first day and the third day. In between meals, I ate more than 1 serving of vegetables and sometimes had a couple bites of sweet stuff. I try to make my veggies a bit plain at first - just with lime juice. However, I have found that it's kind of unbearable without tasting anything, thus I went ahead to put white/ black/ red peppers, basil/ oregano, and lemon juice (for substituting lime juice).

We tried zucchini, tomatoes, portabello, mushrooms, banana peppers, eggplants, and lettuce. The vegetables add a lot of life into our regular health routines. We respect the environment and become more self-conscious about our own health system.

I come to respect the vegetables better these days, because I rarely know how to relate to them in any other creative ways except boiling them. Now I know how to grill them more properly before they turn bad.

I also remember how I grew my own vegetables organically at home. It takes a long time (at least 2-3 months) for a cucumber to grow from seeds into a fruit!!! It takes the planter's patience and effort to make them happening. When I hold these vegetables that I bought from farm in my own hands, I become more aware of what I am eating that are effecting my body and the environment.

Eating more healthily is not a short-term passion, but it is a change in our lifestyle for better health!

I hope that I could continue on with more thoughts on exercising! Because right now, I am busy with settling in my home which takes up a lot of energy too!!

Weight Loss Journey

2010-08-07T10:23:00.000-07:00

I started trying the USANA Reset program on August 5 (Thurs) to kick start my dieting plan for the goal of losing 30 lbs. On the first day, I was very excited to start the milkshake and nutribars for the morning and the evening with supplements, while I only had a cold ramen (low-glycemic meal) in the afternoon. I didn't know that I had to switch all my 3 meals into milkshake content that I left out 1 meal to achieve the best results of the first day.

As the second day (August 6) went, I thought that it would be a total disaster because it was my husband's birthday. Without much planning ahead, I just said to myself that I had to keep my nutrimeals going, while my husband and my brother will celebrate with BBQ foods/ Thai foods/ and Japadogs. On top of my nutrimeals, I ate just a lot of veggies (eg. grilled zuccini, portebello, eggplant, edamame salad, onion/ lettuce/ tomato salad) and one serving of fruits (which are blueberries only). I thought I did a pretty a good job, except I could not withhold with one bite of toasted marshmellow and two scoops of green tea tofu cheesecake because of my sweet-tooth on my hubby's b-day. In a hindsight, if it were for the USANA Reset program, I would eat a lot of BBQ meat while going for Jap kebab foods at night - it would be a lot of intake with protein, sugar, and fat. However, the concept of going hi-fiber is still not very strong in my mind - firstly, it was because I don't think a lot about fiber, but I do have a good job thinking about going vegetarian. Secondly, I don't think any foods for celebration are hi-fiber - would a birthday cake be hi-fiber? My milkshake contains over 12 kinds of water-soluble and non-soluble proteins that I don't have to worry about not taking enough fiber inside the health system. It feels good to be taken care of the basic needs that I just have to focus my mind on thinking about healthy foods and doing exercises. On the other hand, I also went to the bathroom much more often because my intestines were always making sound. The fiber contents were making me to excrete waste in healthy forms, but in more frequent ways. At the end of the second day, I weigh myself going from 160 lbs to 157 lbs - losing 3 lbs!!!!!!

This morning, I woke up craving about the foods that I could not have yesterday. However, I kept on drinking my breakfast milkshake, which makes me feel very comfortable and heart-warming (because I know that this is good for me). In fact, I discovered that I have little resistance towards sweet things, as well I like to taste and chew the tasty foods like Thai. I don't necessarily feel hungry to eat those, because during the last evening when I finished my strawberry milkshake in the movie theater with my husband that my stomach and my brain tell me that I cannot take in more milkshake anymore. However, I still wanted to eat what my husband ate, eg. Tong Yum Gai, Fish Cake, Beef Salad, and Japadog. As well, everyone around me in the movie theater were holding bags of popcorn, fried chicken, and fries. When I smelled those foods, though it makes my brain feeling a bit craved, but I wanted to vomit as the same time because those foods would definitely make my body sick. It was a good sign because the defensive system of my dieting started to kick in! I wanted to lose weigh and feel better! It was crazy in the world seeing lots of people doing things that are not supposed to be good to themselves... how could I be different from them? Where could I get the support to be different and be healthy again?

I feel happy to be able to share all my feelings about my weight loss journey here! Hope that I will succeed all the way - from 5 lbs to 10 lbs!!! (eventually, 30 lbs!!!!)

A Restful Long Weekend...

2010-08-03T03:32:00.000-07:00

As banal as it seems, time flies for the lovely summer in Vancouver! I had so much fun back in July to host my father, Tammy, and a couple of friends' gatherings (eg. church girls, LaSallian boys, choir house blessing). To me, life was chaotic but yet it was meaningful for all those who have visited and left a mark in our early stage of homing.

Because I had to catch up with a couple of galfriends for crafts, we met up to make a couple of cards and share some life stories. Although I have been avoiding to think of a friend who used to make himself 'king' all the time, I am happy for the fact that he is moving onto the next level in life. Certainly, with the high profile of publicity, I need no personal e-mails but yet I still hear about his updates from time to time either from the word of mouth or the mass media. It felt to me almost that the church is crying out loud for having young men to search for vocation. I have two other close friends who are priests, but I guess that they are more mature that I accept them and their vocation. However, is it always a wise idea to promote priestly vocation amongst young men? On the other hand, I'm also seeing a couple of failing examples who are trying to escape from the fact that vocations are not for them. In fact, I'm personally fine with it because we can also learn from these young men as positive examples about discernment to seek holiness in our lives through marriage. It is no sin to get married and have babies!!! I don't see a point why wives get persecuted if their men do not serve the church. Perhaps I sound too harshly from my previous statement. I honestly believe that men should have a desire to become a wise figure seeking God's ways, as opposed to the earthly ways, to stay faithful and practise charity. If people are looking for salaries, societal status, same-aged friends, dating with church girls, or simply dependence upon majors, it would be no point for them to stay serving the community because this is not what the body of Christ is looking for. However, I hope that through prayer we all come to purify our hearts for the sole purpose of serving His Body and His Blood to spread the Good News. I respect those who practise the language of love in their lives by loving their neighbors and giving life to the community.

I also have to honestly reconcile with the older ways of Cantonese tradition, in terms of competition and selfishness. Sometimes, I ask God why I had to immigrate to Canada for studying, working, and getting married here. What is His mission for me? Am I fulfilling His purpose well enough? I just know that my mother and my two family dogs have been gone. I could not keep a house, take care of my brother, and support my father. Was it my fault? Alternatively, am I supposed to blame the perpetrator who deeply hurt our family? Now that I have moved on with a new life, are we coming together as a family finally after all these years? I don't seem to understand all of the nonsense; however, I just know that if I ever want to praise and worship God through a community of sisters in Christ. The males in my life hasn't been too cooperative, kind, and helpful to work out God's plan - because they always want their plans in place, which make me sick, sick, sick... Imagine if there's one (perhaps just my husband), that would be fine. However, it was over a group of five, ten, and more... and they kept reappearing, reappearing... everywhere I go - does it sound like a twilight nightmare? (that's why I cannot sleep now for writing at 4am here) I do not seem to enjoy any of these at all - I wish I could stay away from them. Leave me alone!

As interesting as it can be, men have sore spots that want no one to touch. They were an unreasonable bunch to insist their ways without respecting the other females around. If they ever need a mama to teach them a lesson, I think that we should get dog trainers to chain them into kennels waiting to be re-trained and re-adopted. Sometimes, I don't understand why being a 'king' means so much to them, perhaps they could not find success in their daily lives in career that they need to have a space somewhere else to demonstrate that they are 'the best of the world.' I am not man-bashing, because if he truly loves his life and family with a whole heart, this would not appear to be a problem at all. A good, old, and wise man knows how to make their families happy, healthy, and prosper! Now - do we see anything happening here? Ha, duh! None! As funny as it sounds to me... hahaha

Lots of drama for me to see, contemplate, and watch...
Life is yet to be revealed...
I think that there is a wisdom to many things in life. I see the point why I met this galfriend of mine and shared some stories together. Sometimes, making crafts can definitely be therapeutic after all! =)

Feelings about Wedding

2010-07-27T15:51:00.000-07:00

I was once a bride about 2 years ago on my wedding day with my present hubby. Though people kept telling me how it felt like just happened yesterday, our lives have merged closer and closer together day by day. The wedding day was not an automatic switch for our relationship to grow stronger; however, everything just had to start through step-by-step like babies do.

People always have a preconception about the age of 30 as a benchmark for women to get married. For me, numbers are just numbers, which should mean that life is better. If a woman gets married by 30, but life is more miserable with an unsuitable partner - why bother? It's hard to imagine that there is a set of rules to all these wedding businesses. Most importantly, I think that women should know why they are married to this men and have to fall madly with this person with the rest of their lives, because men would always do or say things to make them feel unloved, unimportant, and neglected.

Since my own wedding, I have a couple of good gal friends who have decided to take on the road of marriage as well. Wedding is an emotional experience - there is nothing that makes the bride and the groom happy, except the love and blessings from everyone and everywhere. I was quite an immature girl without knowing much about love and relationships, but now I think as I got married that the mysteries have started revealing themselves. If I do good, things would have turned good; if I do bad, things would have been the opposite. I must say that I love God more than anything else. Though I demand nothing from God, except His Love for me. It was His salvific love that picked me up from the darkest valleys. I though I'd never trust or love anyone again, but He showed me the way with my husband to seek peace through charity, forgiveness, and unity. Though the wedding day should be the day of heaven for the newly-wed, life just began for them which they shall live out themselves to the fullest as they did firstly promise to one another with God through their vows. I keep reminding myself about how much I could do for my husband and our families, simply because God loves us. I hope that my friends who will be getting married will always live out their love for one another - to bring more others into the presence of Jesus and let God love and change their hearts. I hope that weddings are for a lifetime, because the roles of a man and a woman representing the state of humanity will transform the world and build new homes. May God love more people through these young homes that even the enemies would find a new way into love and life.

How lucky I am to have good friends to share these meaningful life experiences and promises to fulfill a new and better way of life! I love you all.

Budgetting and Organizing

2010-07-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

As the summer is approaching towards the hottest days, my brain is also melting just like as if I am in a melting aluminum pot at the liquid state. Nothing is making any sense to me! I had to review things that have happened in the past 3 months. Though I had a side-trip to LA after my piano exam, it was only because Horace was having a work conference down there. I hope that I could just relax with him at home with some pampering of local shows, food, and visits. My father came for 3 months, while my friends from HK also crashed into my home for about 1 week. We also had a couple of housewarming parties which I invited over 20 friends!

In fact, we just moved into this new home around mid-March. Just four months ago, one of us worked in India while I was stuck in town unpacking all the boxes. I didn't know how I made it, but I did! At least, the labor work had to start somewhere... with a bit more understanding about what we have and what need displaying everywhere in the house, we would h0pe to take the month of August to sit down for organizing and budgeting our expenses for this second stage in life. Seems like life is just super chaotic with little mindful spirits around due to the so-called 'lack of time' syndrome. Living at the present moment with a peaceful and harmonic chord is what is the most important!

I'm actually very happy to have gone to Mariapolis Retreat, where it teaches me about the values that I have always struggled putting into words within a modern world perspective! It is especially important to share the ideas and feelings that I have towards a broken world and that how love makes everything becoming a reality and bringing liveliness in to the fullness of human living!

I was very blessed to see many good friends whom I haven't caught up for a long time. However, I know that they are always there for me when I need them!

Luckily, this blog of mine is not read by millions of people around the world - though I hope they are keeping in touch with me and paying attention towards me :) Facebook is good enough for that purpose already. I think I still like writing here for sharing some longer and personal thoughts, just because it is like YOGA that it is time to BREATHE!

With LOVE!!!

Shows, shows, shows

2010-07-21T13:35:00.000-07:00

This week, I have been watching movies in the theater/ at home, as well as live dramas on stage. Toy Story 3, Despicable Me, and Joseph + the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. There is a bit more time for me to sit back and catch up many things. I thought I'd be all flattened out, but miraculously I could still do a bit more homework, housework, e-mail catch-ups, etc, on the side. I love the fact that it's show-time that I don't have to work and be drawn out anymore. I guess I really need the time for a good rest.

My hubby would always write a lot of interesting ideas, reviews, and essays on his blog. As for mine, I just want a place to share my feelings! Nothing is more important than sharing a meaningful experience with a friend - if you are my friend, you know what I mean. It does not take a friend to share a lot of information, because I can always go on the internet to find information or talk to someone who works in the field. Anyway, I think he'd like to call me a old-fashioned buddy, but I really enjoy the time when I don't have to meet people online. I refrain from chatting, though I do more skype and facebook. E-mails are mostly for work. Sometimes, I can't seem to find a fine balance between the real and the cyber worlds, but I'll keep trying.

Growing up from a single-parent home!

2010-07-19T14:37:00.000-07:00

After almost 10 years, I am more mature to talk about the impacts of my mother's sudden death that occurred in our family. The loss was too painful to bear that my brain could not process anything regarding the understanding of both the medical and legal procedures at the age of 19. Even now, as I have to read through pages of getting her remains to be cremated after the ten-year rental of burial site. I am surprised that I can finally face the terrible scenes of both physical and emotion hurt that my mother faced before her departure to heaven. I am glad that I have feelings and can handle them, because I knew that I wasn't able to do that at all - except keep living on a life that cheers up my bro and father.

I encouraged my father to act as both a father and a mother in the family on my wedding day! He loves me and wants me to be happy even after leaving him to become somebody's wife. It's tough, but yet our dog, Charlie, has made a good transition for handing me over! (better than my father) Imagine - when everyone in the family is sick, you could not do anything except trusting the Lord to shine the Light of salvation into our family. There is nothing worse than death if life isn't worth living. I remember from FIFA about the game with Argentinians vs. Germans that the Argentinians should pack their baggages home w/o wasting my time and money, because the Argentinians were completely wiped out by the other team w/o putting any extra efforts to make a miracle happen! I hate games like this - same as living in daily life that we have to give in our total self to love! Yet - it's easier to say than to do. When there is unknown sickness in our psyche, the cycle can only be broken through the celebration of Christ in our lives.

I have always thought of getting married to the Church, which means to become a sister, at the very back of my mind from a young age. I have always been attracted to the beautiful stories of saints, the loving hymns, and the coloring books from religious studies classes. Getting married into a family who rarely practises the Catholic faith is a big challenge for me, because I wonder how can I reconcile this brokenness without being too bossy? Same as the idea of how a single parent could manage a household, if the family does not practise the same faith together very often?

However, I shall declare that my father is a very good man because he is a good father to me. God reveals the mysteries of faith through the beginnings of my life, as I trust in the goodness of my father. I hope that one day my brother would also do the same!

Stillness

2010-07-18T12:31:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I attended the retreat of Mariapolis in the midst of personal and family commitments. I didn't expect anything before the retreat, thus I just went with a heart of letting God's will and His spirit to guide me along the way. God never failed upon me - as long as I emptied myself, I saw heaven with a grateful heart. The stillness of God's spirit gave me a lot of inner strength to build upon stronger relationships with my family members. I am still very surprised with the peaceful messages that are ringing in my everyday life now!

There have been many things happening since the last month of June!
1. Piano Exam - I could now proceed into ARCT Performer's and prepare my current students for future exams
2. LA Trip - I went to visit my hubby at his work conference and brought him to Disneyland. I was lucky to have visited Peter Li and his family!
3. Mariapolis Retreat - I had to take this retreat as a priority over FIFA! That was hard!! I was delighted to see Maria before she will be back to Hong Kong for good.
4. Best friends' visit - My maid-of-honor, Tammy, came to visit me with her friend, Christie, from their graduating class! Congrats with best wishes upon their career!
5. Housewarming parties - with Chin, Grace, Tim, Muffin, Brenda, Germ, Celine, Alvina, Carmen, Uncle Peter Choy and family, Uncle Peter Lung and family, Lu and family
6. Friends' weddings - Billy & Shelley, Denny & Jenny, and Agnes & Walter

Most importantly, I have to gradually let other volunteers to take over several choir duties in preparation for the crazy Term 1 of 11 courses!!!

A well-rested break is desperately needed... hope the stillness of heart would be fervently alive for the rest of my summer days.

Man and Responsibility

2010-03-31T07:17:00.000-07:00

I have been dying to see men having a sense of responsibility for home and for church. During the wartime years, men were absent because they enrolled in the warfront to fight and left behind their families and jobs in the home country. As a daughter of a merchant, I rarely saw dad at home because he was always somewhere traveling. Even when I grew up as a teenager and an adult, he was maybe 1/4 to 1/2 of the time seeing my growth. Because men work so much that they rarely see their wives and children, wives become the head of the family in the absence of these men.

When women were doing their domestic duties and social roles, men usually found their easy way out by staying cross-armed and rarely offered help as they belonged to the family or to the church. Men were good at pointing out problems, but they did not realize that they were the creator of the problem and therefore had to do something to change the situation. Men were good at getting mama and sisters to do everything for them, or sometimes mama as the only son of the family, to get all the attention that he desired. Men were interested only in their careers, leaving the family and church duties for mama, sisters, or wives to fulfill for them in order for them to enjoy the freetime for soccer, Gundams, and computer internet surfing. Men were complaining and getting verbally/ physically violent when things do not work their ways, which eventually lead them to psychiatric hospital because they drove themselves into sanity.

In the past, the concept of 'husbandry' was about the cultivation of soil applied to agriculture. Husbands were required to use tools and machines to make an open land ready for use. Men take the responsibility of protecting and caring for mama, sisters, and wives in the family.

My heart got tired of seeing the situation of women being the 'perfect housewife.' I rarely laughed because all the past life experiences got me depressed. Sometimes, I just wish that I could be young again and have all the girls' talk with my mother. As a woman, what makes me happy is to see my father, my brother, and my husband cooperate to build the family and make a constructive space for harmony. They are all healthy, responsible, kind, and sharing to one another. Being responsible did not mean just financial sense, but the presence of their bodies and the spirit of their minds to integrate with their family members and share some heart-warming laughters.

Lately, I was watching a lot of funny videos to put myself off the pressure of daily work, e-mails, and time schedule demands. I see my life as a new page at a new home, but I also very much miss the woofing times and the old decoration of my maternal home that fulfilled my days of loneliness and sadness with fun and joy! Hopefully, one day I could find a way to make a happy home soon!

The Ownership of Self-Reliance and Identity

2010-03-05T05:01:00.000-08:00

This week, my emotions went through a roller-coaster ride. I could only concentrate on myself in making any betterment, because as I have made a big transition from teaching sp/ed to regular children professionally and moving into a new home personally.

I was very engraved by men and women who only engaged their own thoughts and pattern of behaviors, without working out anything that is 'in-sync' to support one another.

In fact, I felt deeply hurt for the fact that young men find other activities or pleasurable time over improving their status of deficiency in a commitment that they were unable to keep. I do not know how empowerment would work for men, because they also need the support, guidance, and help to express their thoughts, feelings, and actions to do a better job at what they want to do. For older women, I believe that the old wisdom of Mother Nature would help in guiding the expression of voice to the equality and freedom for humanity. Perhaps I do not possess good listening skills, I have been encountering some female voices that raise issues of discrimination and division between the old and the young. If we all could draw on our commonalities and work hard towards achieving the goal, we would all be winners in life to achieve new hope to free ourselves and be empowered!

ONE MOMENT IN TIME - Whitney Housten

Each day I live I want to be
A day to give The best of me
I'm only one But not alone
My finest day Is yet unknown

I broke my heart Fought every gain
To taste the sweet I face the pain
I rise and fall Yet through it all
This much remains

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

I've lived to be
The very best
I want it all
No time for less
I've laid the plans
Now lay the chance
Here in my hands

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

You're a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will be
I will be
I will be free
I will be
I will be free

What does it mean to play a piece of music?

2010-03-01T14:47:00.000-08:00

Day 2

I always wonder about myself - am I not suitable to play at the piano? Why did I fail myself many times to achieve what I have to achieve?

After listening to some clips on You Tube, I see how the piano players are breathing the music into their being and performing as if they are dining with the composer!

My fingers are very stiff playing Brahm's Intermezzo No. 116. I'm struggling to find the melody line, but also trying to flow through the rhythm that gives life to the music. I don't want to sound a crippling woman. I want to 'fly like a bird'!

Playing thick chords is one of my very weak area. First, it is about the memory work. Second, it is about the technical work. I achieved only 6.5 out of 10 in my past exam. I really would hope to achieve 8.5 out of 10 in my coming exam!

Although marks is an important benchmark, I found myself most at ease when I want to make a sound for others to hear. In the past, I was a very shy, shy girl. I remember myself as a quiet individual who would not make a noise at all. There was no noise to the point that I didn't ever speak for myself. I didn't want to express my feelings. I wasn't feeling worthless of self, but I didn't think that anyone would notice me whether I talked loud or soft, discussed anything important or meaningless, or sang with passion or with wrong notes - I just passed through the stage of time with many opportunities missed.

When I reflected upon myself, I didn't love myself enough to love the world. If I love the music that I play, I want you to hear it and you will feel good. That's what I want to achieve in this stage of life! I really want you to hear some good music. You would feel good. You would remember it. You would find it warm in many years down the road to recall and cherish.

Lord - please give me the strength to persist.

How to Be a Concert Piano Player

2010-02-22T13:38:00.000-08:00

Day 1

This morning, my body woke up with a feeling of strange uneasiness and fatigue. My fingers were ready to play a prelude and fugue by Bach and a sonata by Mozart. My mind was full of excitement, as well as worries, that if my music would be well-accepted, appreciated, and listened to. It takes a good heart to make good music!

Socially, a pianist's successes and falls depend upon whether you can impress your audience or not. However, I honestly think that if a piece of music is well-rehearsed, well-practised, and well-presented, it deserves the gold medal and the deepest heart of the audience.

I don't believe in fame, because it can easily come and go. Or, having the fame and keeping it, it would be even harder. If you just let your natural light to shine, it will make a good charm. If your music is sincere, your audience will feel it that even the simplest form of music will touch the deepest part of their lives.

My journey as a professional piano player begins again one more time. Just like the Russian skater, Yevgeny Plyushchenko, I am back on the scene one more time =)

In honor of St. Joseph

2010-02-21T17:13:00.000-08:00

http://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/novena/joseph.htm

Sorry for being 4 days late to post this seven-day novena. It will end on the Feast Day of St. Joseph, which will be on Friday (Mar 19).

Day 1 - Foster Father, Father of Baby Jesus (Mar 11)
Day 2 - Virginal Husband of Mary (Mar 12)
Day 3 - Man Chosen by the Blessed Trinity (Mar 13)
Day 4 - Faithful Servant (Mar 14)
Day 5 - Patron of the Church (Mar 15)
Day 6 - Patron of Families (Mar 16)
Day 7 - Patron of Workers (Mar 17)
Day 8 - Friend in Suffering (Mar 18)
Day 9 - Patron of a Happy Death (Mar 19)

PS. Today is a special day because it is the St. Patrick's Day during the devotion of St. Joseph. My HOLY FAMILY is celebrating and partying in heaven!

Fireproof Marriage

2010-02-21T16:06:00.000-08:00

On a Valentine's Day weekend, my parish promoted married life by showing a movie called 'Fireproof Marriage', starred by Kirk Cameron and Erin Bethea. We shared some popcorn, wine, and cheese for the social night. It was fun!

There are several of my favorite scenes:
1. He Said/ She Said
2. The Train is Coming!
3. Salt and Pepper Shakers
4. The Cross
5. Breaking Free
6. Caleb's Apology

What triggers me most to think deeply about my marriage life is that the power of unconditional love. How do we find God as the center of our marriage?

I hardly say anything that is easy to achieve. Our marriage life has been very young for about one and half year. We are building our new home, planning for shared career stability, and getting ready for children in the near future. Finding God is in our relationship means to pray together, help one another, and sacrifice for one another.

In the movie, Caleb says that you should never leave your partner behind in the fire as a firefighter. Same as in marriage, we never leave our partner behind when there are challenges and difficulties in marriage life. We always have to work at helping one another to better the lives together.

As a woman, it is often challenging to understand what it means for man to appreciate a sense of respect. As a man, it is often challenging to understand what it means for woman to appreciate a sense of emotional stability. The kind of love that drives man and woman together is special, faithful, and holy. They turn to one another for every aspect of life support.

My father became widowed at a relatively embarrassing age of 65. It was difficult for him because his life support was plugged out when my mother passed away. However, the love of my parents remain in the family as my brother and I share insights about life that family come together no matter being fat or thin. For men fully embracing the concept of marriage is like talking French when they only know English, they come to rescue when crises arise and remain dormant when life may show growing signs of stability. Their emotion is deeply rooted in the achievement of social status, which ultimately defines who they are by their profession, instead of being what kind of person he is.

As a woman, I say for the ladies that our emotion is deeply rooted to the bonding that we share as husband and wife through anything in life. As the bride and groom come together, they come to share the body and blood of Christ together for building up the family and the church. They serve each other and care for one another without calculations. Instead of shooting bullets to one another firing the biggest war of the century, husband and wife transform into One Body to promote 'bulletproof' peace.

I hope that throughout the journey of marriage that this movie would constantly remind me of God's love to the source of strength and support to any challenges that we will encounter as a couple. As a Catholic, I would highly encourage all of you to be open to the teachings of 'Theology of the Body' - specifically how to be faithful to God and His given spouse to us!

As older people from time to time would love to tease me about marriage, I should always answer, 'I want NO DIVORCE - NONE!! PERIOD.' For husbands making a couple of little careless mistakes, wives are able to forgive and move on. Anybody cheats... period. I just wish to stay pure, healthy, and faithful in a holy marital union =)

The Mystery of Ghost Pine

2010-02-21T08:01:00.000-08:00

Coming in 3 weeks, the celebration of St. Patrick's Day will be alive in shades of green decorated with shemrock! I hope that as this day comes, the spring is around the corner to shine =)

My thoughts with the ghost pine remain as a tragic history in the MCS alma mater. I honestly believe that any trees deserve a good life to live, especially serving as an inspiration for urban inhabitants. The power of green is the natural force which allows us to breathe, be renewed, and be cleansed. In fact, the shaping of the current learning environment lies upon the hands of public school promoters which cast me doubts about the respect for the tradition of Christianity by the founders. The construction remains as a historical witness; however, the liveliness of the founding spirit and the wisdom of this old school has been gradually going away. Don't get me wrong - I love my alma mater; however, I just wish that the school administrators could also come into realization that this pivotal point means more than just conservation or even political drives of public education, it is also a demonstration to all former and current students, as well to the public, that they do not have the capacity to embrace an old tree, which is a failure to their educational core values - respect, love, and honor.

The Irish people carry symbols of their Celtic culture to celebrate the history of nation and of Christianity. They fled from famine, immigrated in hundred thousands of numbers, and followed the spirit of St. Patrick's. I found it fascinating that men and women can come to celebrate a form of new life through years and years in a form of commemoration. Sometimes, as urban people, we forget the past so easily. We constantly desire to be blessed with new things, new thoughts, and new relationships to flourish - however, don't you think that all these just come from nowhere? The value of recycle helps us presenting the same materials over and over, so that people feel refreshed - in either more or less costly ways.

The remains of ghost pine are still a mystery. Watching the news from overseas is just as heart-breaking as seeing the real tree to be chopped down into several pieces. It lives as old as my father, or even grandfather. May the Irish Blessing be with the spirit of the ghost pine - to continue to bless more people. Although it's physically 'dead', it continues to spread even more blessing in love that touches more the hearts of the young that we all remember - lest not forget.

Bonjour, tout le monde!

2010-02-16T21:52:00.000-08:00

C'est mon premiere fois ecrire en francais ici!
BONJOUR - mes amis, ma famille, et mon mari!!!! Je t'adore!!!!

Aujourd'hui, j'ai donne la musique d'eucharistique en francais par Pere Marcel. Je ne sais pas parler les prieres, mais je les veux chanter dans la choeur a l'eglise. Je veux chanter a Dieu! My chanteur favorite est Celine! Sa chanson 'The Prayer' avec Andrea Brocelli est magnificent!!! Je veux chanter meme d'eux!!!

MON MARI - je t'adore! Tu est ma vie et j'espere que nous chanterons les chansons d'amour en francais =) Au revoir!!

New Year with New Hope!

2010-02-16T11:28:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have fallen in love listening to a former HK DJ's radio shows. Her name is Chien Chien. She points out the funniest and the most interesting point-of-view to present issues around us! For instance, she would incorporate her love of animals into her speeches to describe human behaviors, or she would poke fun at people who are living in status quo. She now airs pre-recorded shows from LA, which you can find them here at: www.chienchien.net

I would like to take the opportunity to wish my readers a very happy Chinese New Year of Tiger! Gong Hei Fat Choi!!

Recently, due to the Winter Olympics happening in Vancouver, all my friends, classmates, and former colleagues, are talking about the games and how Canadians perform in the worldly event. Because my father lives in China, he pays attention only to Asian competitors! (eg. Korean, Chinese, etc) I share the same spirit with my fellow Canadians on CBC everyday that I cheer for Alex Bilodeau winning the first Canadian gold medal on the home soil! Felicitations pour faire du ski par excellence! Last night, I was watching the medalist ceremony on TV airing from BC Stadium. The minute that the Canadian national anthem was played, Bilodeau was filled with tears in his eyes!!! I feel very proud of the Canadian sport of ski. I also come to realize that my husband's love in skiing will also inspire my kids in the future to be more competent in home sports! Yes, we both consider Vancouver as our home, and Canada is our home country.

Talking with my father on the phone, I share the sentiment of joy in celebrating Chinese New year of my motherland. I take the opportunity this year to call people up locally and internationallly, especially to the seniors to wish them a Happy Chinese New Year of Tiger! I was chatting with a couple of mothers and grandmothers on the phone - they all sounded very happy, joyful, and peaceful in the new year to congratulate the younger ones for their stage in life. I have kept on receiving many blessings to bear a 'little tiger' this year! As promised, I keep trying and hopefully one day, God will grant me one!

I also went to a very special movie for the Valentine's weekend - it is called 'Fireproof Your Marriage.' It was starred by Kirk Cameron and Erin Bethea premiered on Sept 2008. It is a Christian movie that depicts a man who is a firefighter winning back the heart of his wife by embarking on a 40-day spiritual journey to draw strength, inspiration, and unconditional love from God to save their marriage. At first, I didn't particularly want to watch it, but our parish priest was present at the movie showing to watch with us which kept our feet anchored on our seat to watch together. I love the movie because it portrays the heart of the message about marriage that as husband and wife we need to make it work! The media for God is particularly important to show what and how is true romance that people need to work towards improving what they have, while thinking of finding a new one to restart again! We all encounter triumphs and temptations in our relationships, especially in marriages, that we can only be happy when we fully embrace unconditional love in our daily lives and draw on the strength to live out the challenges of every future days. I deeply thank our parish priest for making this happening for us!

FEB 14, 2010 was definitely a historically memorable day. I had a lot of fun with my husband on that day, celebrating the Valentine's, the Olympic gold, the Chinese New Year with my family. I am as 'confused' as McDull is in the picture, but I see that life is beautiful that we should take every opportunity to congratulate! Give thanks to God for all the wonderful blessings - here at my home, in Vancouver!!!

狗狗有格

2010-02-01T08:15:00.000-08:00

如果你不喜歡狗隻﹐你有否想過生命當中不是只有人存在而已?

在這生物世界里﹐我們有著千千萬萬的鳥類﹐魚類﹐昆蟲類﹐爬虫類﹐等等﹐為何我們要選擇狗隻去帶回家呢?

我以前是一個狗主人﹐有一隻很可愛有善的金毛尋回犬﹐一起共渡了有十三年同窗的光陰。轉眼間﹐因為老犬病而在上一年的春天離我而去了! 事隔有一段時間﹐雖然心情平覆了多﹐我知道對它最好的回答是常常想念著它﹐常常把它的故事跟別人講﹐因為狗和人的友情是一生一世的。我們不能因為自己的自私而不對它們負責任﹐任讓其他好心人家去領養它們﹐或是去人道毀滅﹐這並非君子所為。

我是愛死我的狗狗'查理'小王子! 它在我生命里起了一個大的變化﹐因為它無事無刻也是十分平靜而友善﹐也對小朋友充滿耐性愛心﹐我自己的性格和情感也是變得較小時候多外向和平。所以﹐它的離開是讓我難過﹐但是我充滿祝福的向它說拜拜﹐因為它能解脫苦難到永遠開心的地方去﹐所以不要想念我﹐但我會常常想起它﹐因為我會帶其他的朋友們去一起找它﹐去永永遠遠的愛它﹐保護它﹐照顧它。分離並不是最痛苦的﹐我覺得人最痛苦是在世不能修身到天堂去﹐因為愛你的人還有千千﹑萬萬的動物在等著你去做你需要做的事情!!

狗狗是很有point, 很有格的! 希望我的讀者能多對有需要的狗狗打開心的門口﹐讓它們進入你們的心靈吧!!

找回自己...

2010-01-31T20:50:00.000-08:00

how do i love you when you don't love me?
how do i love myself when i don't actually love myself??
in 2010, it is a new stage to start loving those who don't love me and to love myself more!!

our hands can be a source of healing towards others!
our marriage can be a source of faith for those are seeking to God.
in 2010, it is a new stage to start passing on a stronger message for bringing peace in our broken world!!

i have met those who deserted our friendship due to the search of higher SES...
or simply, those who do not keep promises that i'd rather let them go and pray for their future with a happier direction...
i used to blame any misfortune that i lost myself eventually!
however, if we can let God to enter our relationships and heal them, there is always a way towards peace that can embrace life in a greater dimension that we can ever imagine!!
i used to be blamed that i am not very forgiving...
they are all coming from the mouths of those who don't love me...
however, i will always love you all although you don't love me.
however, i will always love you in a way that is different than the way you claim to love me.
however, i will always love you in a greater way in forgiving your wrongs and forgetting our broken past.
will there be one day that you finally get to understand and stop blaming me for not loving you in the way that you perceive?
is that really my problem that our feelings can't be communicated??
is that really my problem that i could not express myself when my heart was in pain till numbness??
does it justify that you desert me and seek for a life that only is happy to yourself (without me)?
if this is a happy way for you, why do you have to come back to me and demand a way to satisfy your personal needs again?
i can never reconcile with those who think only about themselves.

if only one day, i can finally see heaven with my grandparents to nurture all of my grandchildren =) i can find peace to all these questions being pressed upon my shoulders in an ever demanding way. i long to build a rainbow with all the little children circling and singing for their future!! this will always be my goal...

Radio Production

2010-01-15T13:11:00.000-08:00

When I was a highschool student, the Career Prep program enrolled me to help with the production of advertisement in a studio close to Broadway. I remember how the voice production was very dynamic with the excellent presentation of a familiar voice in a London Drugs ad! It left me a good memory to be sitting in an enclosed room to record something fun!!

Because of my volunteering at church social teaching activities, I have had opportunities to transcribe tapes into Braille, visit 'big head' babies in the hospital, tutor younger students in public housing, and go to caroling on the streets when I was living in Hong Kong prior to immigrating to Canada. I love my experiences and would never think of relating all of these to my upcoming challenge in participating in the backstage of Chinese Catholic radio program with my husband in research and writing.

Due to my 'anglicized' cultural background, I would hope that my limited contribution to the radio production can continue to cultivate the roots of my Chinese heritage and renew the relationships of my family, relatives, and friends through the message of Christian love, joy, and peace. I was proud that I could write some nice Chinese characters in the past meeting of volunteers to represent the thoughts of the group =) Hopefully, I could integrate my love in music and faith into the writings of many stories of saints, etc. I would also hope that one day I can fulfill the dreams of my mother to become a Catholic teacher!

Special Encounter with a Compassionate Buddist!

2010-01-13T10:40:00.000-08:00

It would be difficult for me to write on the topic of Buddism - however, this topic hasn't been new to me. Being a Buddist is a new way of life, just like any other religious or philosophical teachings. Instead of growing up from a Christian family environment, my maternal grandmother was the inspiration for me to be 'good' since I was a little girl. My grandmother was the favorite character in my family, because she was the role model for bringing kindness and encouragement in imharmonious situations, especially when my mother would seek advice from her while she was dutifully cooking and bathing my halfly-paralyzed grandmother in Tung Tao Chuen. Although they were impoverishly poor, my mother would always find joy whenever she visited my grandmother and I would love playing with my uncle who was a big fan with popular music. I would always be treated with fried egg luncheon meat on rice from my uncle, while my grandmother would have her vegetarian tofu dishes from my mother. Because my father was in a better economic situation that I lived in a spacious apartment with parents driving me to school everyday, I was no different than other girls next door while playing at my grandmother's home. The public housing in Hong Kong back in 1980s was also my home because of the closeness that I shared with my grandmother.

Last evening, I was sitting across with two Buddist teachers (not monks!) while my husband and I are picking out the desired lamps for the new home. She was a very compassionate lady who shared many stories with me. Striking a conversation with a 'stranger' seemed odd in the first place; however, I understand that people who are in missionary charity meet those along in life and share all they have. I admire them for their selfless sacrifice. She left me her contact, but I hesitated to give mine out because I'm not a Buddist myself. I passed the attention to my mother-in-law instead, because she is a practising Buddist from my family. Because people with Buddist philosophy believe in 'yuen fun', I am sure that if we see each other again that we will just converse like good friends again - who reminds me of my beloved grandmother.

I pray that my Catholic friends (my dad's side) and Buddist friends (my mom's side) are the instruments of peace and selfless love to the world, especially in the hurting parts of human hearts and the environment. I know that my suffering is nothing compared to those who experienced through head traumas, schizophrenia, heart attack, self-suicide, earthquake, etc. I promise that in my new year's blog that I will continue to write for cheering up those who dedicate themselves in helping others and encouraging all to look beyond personal worries for doing the greater good!

If you can, please join me in praying a decade of rosary to pray for the mercy and grace to those in suffering with hurtful hearts! (One 'Our Father', Ten 'Hail Mary', and One 'Glory Be') Thank you =)

Happy New Year of 2010 to all My Faithful Readers!

2010-01-01T09:59:00.000-08:00

First of all (with the drumming sound!!!!!), welcome to the new year of 2010!!!!

I'm soooo excited about the first year of new year that I can't wait to write my first entry as soon as I stepped out of bed!

What are you thinking as you start the new day of the year? Are you planning to lose more weights? Are you planning to treat your family and friends a bit better by being more generous? Are you going to make a new year's resolution list if you haven't done so??

Rather than writing a checklist, I have created organizing folders on my laptop to systematically file my pictures, MP3s, and school coursework. I would love to file my art works in ways without writing too many words. That's the problem, because my husband would spend so much time writing his blog daily, reading books, and doing a lot of critical thinking, I am always the opposite - the problem with me is that I read too little books. I've done more readings in daily news, but I'm still very behind with books. Thus, my blog here suffers!!!

If you would like to understand a bit about my new life this year, I'm more systematically organized so that I can allow more free time to do what I desire, instead of waiting for the last minute to decide. I have to learn from many old wisdom. Hopefully, I can be with the kids and seniors more!!! (because eventually my household is going to be filled with them all)

Much love to all my faithful readers who have followed my blog and are supportive in many ways that I can't possibly thank you for! May we all be strengthened and renewed as the new year comes and guides us to be a better individual for the world!!

What is Christmas all about??

2009-12-24T19:49:00.001-08:00

''Christmas is not about the act of gift-giving, but it is the generosity that we give to each other!''

I am very blessed to help with St. Mary's YM and UBC CATSO in caroling this year =)
It is particularly special for me and Horace to host a reunion Christmas dinner for some good, old friends from school/ church!! At first, we wanted to just throw in a birthday surprise, but it ended up a big reunion dinner that gathered back some old friends and renewed our friendship!!!

After resigning my position as a sp/ed kindergarten teacher in Dec, I have started to see the world in a greater perspective! All the kids, all the teachers, all the parents... whom I've encountered shaped me who I am today =) I'm very thankful for what they have brought into my life - I see my regular ed students in a different light! Sometimes, I wish I can do both...

Perhaps God is leading me towards the path of becoming a Catholic teacher as vocation. I just wish that I can become a school psychologist, or a school counselor, so that I can do more and have a greater impact with an older population!! (apart from those aged 6 and below) I'm also growing...

If Christmas is all about 'generosity' and 'charity', Horace and I are definitely the lucky ones who have been able to do what we could for this year's Christmas/ Advent preparation =) We shall celebrate our prayers on Christmas Day Mass!!!

PS. Hopefully, next year, I can be more an active role for my two god-daughters and my sponsored child in Bangladesh! Let this be my family prayer.

Looking forward to 2010!

2009-12-13T23:38:00.000-08:00

Decade of hopes, decade of dreams,
Decade of hidden memory streams
I wait to welcome the new year beam.
I want to put on more baby cream =p

Yes! Some silly thoughts for 2010 from Patricia!!

In the past 10 years, I don't know if I have walked on the right path - but it seems that for a youngster like me, learning how to be a human being between 20-30 with many lessons taught from patient mentors!

I miss my mom, my Charlie, and my maiden family...

Spoiled Child

2009-12-10T20:32:00.000-08:00

Although nowadays children in developed countries are growing with ample food supply, free education, and abundant toys, they are isolated in their own little worlds. They don't feel loved. Often, their parents are busy at work. They don't want to share love. They don't want to share anything. All they want is to care for themselves. They only care what they want.

There is one child that I teach - whom I mention to grandma is ''生骨大頭菜''. Is it the child's fault or parent's fault? For people with disabilities, there is a reason for them to make choices, always pick what they want, and get away from tasks when they don't want. For children nowadays, parents also have to learn with them. If not, they would all end up lining up to attend the school that I work with. Starting from the beginning, they have to learn functional skills to make their lives functioning.

I respect the wisdom from grandma's generation. In fact, they see much more than we possibly can. Sometimes, I just wish that the world can be a better place with understanding grandparents, wise parents, and loving kids. This makes a perfect family!

PS. Sharing an article about kids known as ''生骨大頭菜''.

The Heart of Praying

2009-09-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

''To sing is to pray twice.' - by St. Augustine

I hardly see myself praying in words now. It almost seems like praying is like breathing in and out of air, taking stewardship of daily time and energy, eating more vegetables over meat, and most favorite part, singing!

Due to my coursework in biology and Canadian history, I have to do lots of reading and writing to generate reasoning from the intellect. It becomes drier, especially when it comes to the day that I forgot to do my morning prayer before heading for my breakfast!

I also love to say rosary when I'm on my way taking the bus from home to school. I want to make sure that I spare enough time with God and my private self, so that I can help God to help others. It is almost an intimate relationship that changes the every thought and word that I do! My whole self is alive for the glory of God!!

I'm delighted to have taken a break from full-time work in August and September to rejuvenate my spiritual life! I feel more connected with everyone and everything, when I no longer have a tired body and mind for laborious tasks. My new goal is to work on the new home from now till Nov through my daily prayers! =)

It is very important to pray individually, as well as to pray with other people! The power of prayers can turn from darkness to light, from war to peace, from sorrow to joy, from depression to hope! As my friend, Mildred, says, "God awakens all my senses!'

In God alone, I find rest and peace.

Love Poem!

2009-07-20T01:01:00.001-07:00

My husband wrote me a poem!
He is very creative to use my Chinese name as the first four characters of each sentences =)
My Chinese name is '(Chan) Ma Hor Yen.'

塵世何處覓知音
馬不停蹄尋佳人
可愛伊人近咫尺
姻緣天賜定終生

(translation:
Where do you find someone to be your listener in the world?
Everything, I go and search for one.
Finally, I find a lover dear to my heart.
God gives a lifetime to a marriage!)

This is the most romantic gift that I've ever received!!!!
I'm gladly touched by his sincerity.
He really tried his best =)
This poem is even better than a song - I love it very much.

Chaos and Confusion!

2009-07-12T07:33:00.000-07:00

Home is the most important component in each of our individual's life.
- When I lost my mother, I had to accommodate the second year school term back in Hong Kong. After coming back to Vancouver, I met many church friends and my husband to welcome a new page in life!
- When I lost my golden retriever, I had to plant something in the garden of the frontyard. The townhome was intended for Charlie's living, but I think that he liked his old home much more.

Chaos and confusion are the two words that describe my feelings towards home.
I'm starting to find the differences living without Charlie.
Tomorrow is always the better.
How I missed Charlie with our daily walks and fun times!

I am particularly excited for the fact that my dad is recovering from the surgery!
I am also deeply grateful that my brother is performing an excellent job in academics!!
Also, I see that my husband and I are starting a new adventure together by moving into a duplex around end of August!!!

I hope that I can become a mother, music teacher, and educational psychologist in the coming years of living in a new home =)

UP to NYC!!! =)

2009-06-05T13:47:00.000-07:00

Taking a plane from Toronto, we went via Montreal to the metropolitan adventure in NYC!!!

During the high season of 'Piggy Flu', we traveled in the US with a health alert. I especially have found that the American modern art quite fascinating through the tours of Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, Broadway, and the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA).

It would be impossible for me not to mention about the newly-opened Intrepid Museum, which features the WWII history of US in relationship with the Japanese.

I also found that as I walked through Walk Street that I discovered about my past, in relationship with my brother working in Hong Kong in the financial field. He now has decided to make a career change and wants to become a professor!

I indulged myself in shopping for an afternoon in the Rockefeller Shopping Area. I would love to try skating in the wintertime here, just like in the movie of 'Serependity' -- one day!!

I also spent the time to visit and pray in two churches in the vicinity!
St. Patrick's Cathedral http://www.saintpatrickscathedral.org/about.html
St. Malachy's Catholic Church http://www.actorschapel.org/
It was my first time seeing the St. Pat's relics!! My heart was so amazed and touched!!!

On the last day, I went to watch a light-hearted broadway show! Mamma Mia!!
It's truly cool where you sang the pop songs while dancing with your fellow audience in the hallways of the theatre =) ABBA rocks!!!

As the hot air balloon has brought us, we landed in a place where we found our past, present, and the future! I would hope that my friends who live in NYC lead a happy and peaceful life!! I miss you, NYC!!!

Feelings about Toronto (April 29 - May 6)

2009-06-05T13:22:00.000-07:00

Toronto is my third home, apart from Vancouver and Hong Kong. My husband came from Toronto where he studied senior highschool and university. He would always think that he would work or study grad school in US. However, he seemed to find Vancouver a permanent place for growing his career and family!

It was my second-time to visit Toronto, thus I spent most of my time to relax at home in Mississauga and catch up with friends in North York, Markham, and downtown. My mother-in-law was very kind to me -- she didn't let me to do any housework, but to accompany her for going out to have lunch and dinner treats!! I also took the opportunity to visit Brock University where courses with autism training can be done in Ontario. It's always fun to go on a highway with my husband and just spend a day driving under the sun.

More significantly, we have caught up with many friends. Because all of my husband's friends in Toronto are classmates back in Waterloo, they gathered up and chatted all about engineering! I made so much fun out from Horace for being too logical all the time, as well we were able to see the bride and groom (Candy and Leon) for sharing our growing roots!! I was delighted to meet with Andy & Winnie, Kevin & Vicky, as well as Yat-Loong, for chatting our night away.

When I was on my third day of stay in Toronto, my darling (Charlie) experienced an organ failure and went to heaven on the next day! He suffered from lymphocoma. It was God's grace that he passed away at home. My brother helped me to bring him to the vet for cremation in the evening. When I heard the news from e-mail, I was devastated. I could not sleep for the night, crying to be awake and weeping to sleep. My husband was holding me in his arms for the whole night to share my grief...

Although my heart was broken to live through the news, I set up a scrapbooking station at home to make some pages in memory of Charlie for the next few days. I quietly let my sorrows to be shared on the Sunday, when I saw some church friends and offered my prayer intention for my 'St. Rocco' at the mass in Markham. On the night before Charlie died, Horace and I also said a rosary together at St. Michael's Cathedral. Thanks to our friend, Rovika, for catching up who lives in the neighborhood =) Peace.

We had little time to wind down and missed the opportunity to meet with my husband's uncle, aunt, and cousins for a good Italian buffet. I missed his family in Toronto too, because it certainly felt more like home when I went there again!

CHALICE -- My new sponsored child!

2009-06-03T13:24:00.000-07:00

I have had a new sponsored child since Lent of this year! His name is Apuro who lives in Bangladesh. He is 8 years old.

When my husband and I decided to adopt a child at St. Mary's, we picked a boy who is older and loves to play cricket. There is a chemistry between us, because I believe that he will become someone who is very capable and help to take care of his family when grandma passed away.

We introduced ourselves as a computer worker and a teacher. Apuro has not heard or seen of a computer. He is an outgoing boy. He writes about his difficulties from family and wants to change the harsh reality! Both of us would love to see how he is changing!

We have never been to Bangladesh. Neither myself be in India. I always imagine myself traveling around the world. However, I never imagine living in the poorest part of the world! Sometimes, we may experience uneasy encounters with differences in culture and religion. However, the fact that the poorest people remain the poorest and most deprived state of health is something that I cannot imagine.

It is challenging to be non-judgmental. Remaining an open heart and mind is a 'skill' to be learned and mastered. Embracing compassion is also a 'skill' that we use to help those who are less fortunate to us. I look forward to writing to him again in September when school starts again!

May Our Lady help us to strengthen our minds and souls to guide those who lead the future!

- 'N'-mom

Letter to my sweet heart, Charlie!

2009-04-15T06:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Charlie,

Mommy loves you dearly and wants to know that you are always the sweetest one in my heart!

Thanks for making my life in Vancouver with loads of fun =)

You came into earth on September 2, 1995. You joined our human family in January 5, 1996. I remember that you were the last goldie sitting in the glass box of Pet Habitat of Brentwood Mall! My mom, dad, and I brought you home when you weighed 33 lbs!!

You went through rigorous obedience training with my mom in 2 basic training classes. In our family history, you have always created lots of funny and heart-breaking memories. For instances, you secretly ate all the salty meat out from the dish of Cauliflower Pork Cutlets that mom cooked in the kitchen. You knew exactly when and where to swipe away the foods on the coffee table and made a permanent sleeping spot on the comfiest mat at home (like my fluffy lamb carpet). You always picked the spot beside my bed to sleep. Say if you wants to sleep in my mom's room, you always picked her side, as opposed to daddy's side.

Your favorite toys are: squeeky hotdog, soother, tennis balls, baseballs, frisbee, tug-o-war kong kong
Your favorite parks are: Wesburn Park, Trout Lake

I think that the funniest thing is that you know exactly where to position yourself in the house, ie. corridor between bedrooms, hallway to the kitchen, middle of the living room. You are big enough to block the path so that everyone walks by to give you bellyrub with their foot.

I also remember that your nextdoor companion, Buddy (the german shepherd), loved to get you out from the backyard gate. Two of you, the buddies-in-crime, went into the backyards of our neigbhors to chase and play hide-and-seek with your families.

You are such a good boy for letting me to clean your ears, your teeth (with buildup tartar), and your paws (with dirt). I cut your nails and tiggle your toes. I love to bathe you in warm water under the rain in the frontyard. Your most favorite part is the blow-dry process with lots of massage and attention (for being clean!!!) =)

The incidences that broke my heart are:
- when you ran away from home without my notice (I had to pick you up from SPCA)
- when you bit the CD rack and pooped on the carpet (while I was at work -- with no Horace, dad, and bro around)
- when you received your surgery in attempt to remove hypothyroid gland (in fact, it is the starting point of developing cancer in the body)

You get picky with foods these days. You only eat sandwich (with white bread for sure!), treats, and cookies. I have to administer Clinicare (liquid care) when you have lost of appetite. Despite of that, I'm very grateful that you keep your joyful spirits coming home everyday -- with a growing lump in your throat.

It breaks my heart that the Vet Hospital has released the results of blood test today.
Your lungs, throat, and liver are affected by the growing malignant cancer cells.
Mommy loves you and wants to let you know that I will always be my best to be there for you and pray that St. Rocco and St. Francis of Assisi are there for you when you find the gateway to heaven in joining my mommy and Pekingnese BeBe!

This is my vow for you, Charlie!
May you find peace and joy in everyday of your life on Earth and Heaven.
I will continue to give you sandwiches, spread the good news and humor that you've brought into my life, and visit the vets who can have a change of heart to realize that lives of animals have a value and encourage other owners with hope and compassion =)

PS. How lovely that you appeared in the photos of UBC CATSO gatherings for BBQ! I really miss the good, old days with you - Charlie!!

Happy Easter to All of You!

2009-04-15T05:23:00.001-07:00

This year's Easter is very special for me because Ada (my second goddaughter) has been baptised as Theresa Faustina at the Easter Vigil in St. Patrick's Parish, celebrated by Fr. Anthony Ho.

It comes as a surprising blessing to have a second (god) daughter, because I did not expect to participate in other church activities, except St. Mary's Sat 5pm choir. After getting married in last August, I was 'depleted' for the fact that wedding was truly life-transforming and also demanding in terms of discipline and prayer (at least for myself).

The Holy Matrimony between Horace and I is blessed with the grace to witness the baptism/ confirmation/ and first Holy Communion of Ada. She was born in China and came here where she was very young. She is fluent in English and Cantonese -- a very cheery and bubbly girl! Auntie Kit brought her to my choir at St. Mary's, which started our faith journey from singing and praying, to sharing fellowship with the church choir and WCCCLC. How amazing is God's love to plant the seeds and now it's the time to see the fruits are blooming!

From Ada's RCIA class, I also met another two special ladies!! One is little Emily, 4 years old, who loves Dora the Explorer and accompanies Mommy Esther in class all the time. She is so shy to strangers, but once she gets to know you, she tickles you and gets her older brother so excited to run around with joy and fun spirits!!! The most amazing thing is that she did not fall asleep for the three-hour Vigil for the whole night =) I gave her coloring books and baby crackers, so that she can always accompany mommy to come to church!!!

The third special lady is Christine (Lorraine Rita). She is a Maryknoller who also has a daughter who went to Maryknoll till F. 2 in Hong Kong. I'm gratefully surprised to meet with her, because we talked about from Mrs. Edith Wong to our principal, Mrs. Huang! I have to admit that my memories aren't great as hers and her daughter's about our Alma Mater... I gave her a prayer card and a blessed plate of St. Dominic, as Maryknoller Sister Convent is part of the Sisters of St. Dominican Order. May we always bond together in Maryknoller's spirit and the prayers of our school's patron saint, St. Dominic!!

Horace did not fall asleep for three hours at the Easter Vigil mass!!! He was praying, emptying out his worries, and engaging in the baptismal and confirmation rites! Hope that the Vigil experience continues to release his gifts of Holy Spirit from the confirmation that he received in 2000 (with the Archbishop at Cathedral). How amazing is God's love and grace!

I pray for everyone in the RCIA Chinese class that they bring the joy and peace of Our Resurrected Lord to their daily lives, with ceaseless blessings to their families and friends =)

Charlie in Spring 2009

2009-04-14T18:03:00.000-07:00

Introducing the 90's-style back in trend, Charlie is coming back in fashion for Spring 2009!

He is walking on catwalk, smiling at the audience, with flashlights all over him.

His golden coat shines under the lovely sun.
His eyes are very warm-looking.
His nose sniffs to smell the fresh air and friends from afar!
His ears are alert when people are discussing about him.

He gets a big, big hug from his human!
He does not want to say goodbye to his audience, especially to his supporting fans.

Today, he enjoyed his walk on Village Green with blooming cherry blossom trees and light breezes! He visited his neighbor, Cookie, on Hawthorne. He is Mr. Friendly who brings everyone around him closely knitted together! My brother and I had a lot of fun taking pictures of him with skytrain, trees, houses... He has almost lived in this neighborhood for two years!! This is heaven for seniors just like him =)

Linear Thinking

2009-04-01T22:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever encountered someone in your life who only uses the skill of linear thinking to draw inferences and conclusions in every incidences in life?

If [someone else does something], then [I suffer].
If [you don't do something], then [I suffer].
If [you suck], then [I suffer].

The ability to think multi-dimensionally and pictorially is a skill that we earn when we create and open for inviting new ideas.

It may apply to think about the present, the past, and the future!

At the present, I try to put God in everything I do in the first place. I want to create and make a difference through pictures of thoughts and faith to succeed, which is the most important ingredient to happiness =)

Looking at the past, I was working through many hurdles in family health, career-building, and relationships. I even lost faith in doing any type of thinking (linear/ multidimensional/ pictorial) because people came and went for no reason. The more I embrace, the better I feel gradually.

I have the lucky coin again to walk with someone who has committed with me in life! I am no longer lonely, but loved and cared for. Having a home, building a place of peace, and supporting one another in faith and hope. It certainly makes an orphan a heaven through many showers of love and warmth! I'm thanking my friends for being there and helping me to grow in character!!

Through linear thoughts, I don't understand how all the past events lead up to the present life. If I can put faith, hope, and love into perspective, I begin to see the beginning of a new life that's ready to spout forward and blossom till flourish!

In my pictorial view, I can see many strawberries and leaves. I want to see my garden full of fruits, because God helps me to plant with good tools and good people who share the same view and goals! Thank you for making my garden beautiful =)

Charlie's Visit to Dr. Koit

2009-03-22T23:04:00.001-07:00

Charlie made a visit to Dr. Koit's office in the past Friday!

Dr. Koit helped Charlie to remove stitches and stayed to take a picture =)

Thanks Dr. Koit for taking care of Charlie for 13 years!!
Charlie and I have a lot of memories visiting to Koit with mom who taught us many things about life!

Dr. Koit is a compassionate vet who is dedicated to help Charlie and me! Now, since we have moved to our new home in Hawthorne, Charlie will see a new vet in the animal hospital which hopefully provides a more intensive care for him who has just recently been diagnosed with cancer.

I hope that Charlie finds his visits bringing happiness to the doctors and nurses who care for him. He is the family therapy dog! (at least qualified for me and St. John's Ambulance)

I found this article from a website for grieving dog owners...

2009-03-21T11:18:00.000-07:00

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called
The Rainbow Bridge.
When a beloved pet dies who has been especially close to someone here,
that pet goes to The Rainbow Bridge.
It is a land of meadows, hills and valleys.
There is always plenty of food and water and sunshine, and
our friends are warm and comfortable.
Those who were old and frail are young again - restored to health and vigor;
Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again.
The animals are content and happy with each other.

But there is something missing.
They are not with their special people who loved them on earth -
the ones who were left behind.
Then the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance.
The bright eyes are intent;
the eager body quivers.
Suddenly he breaks away from the group, flying over the green grass;
his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been seen.

And when you and your special friend meet,
you take him in your arms and embrace.
The happy kisses rain upon your face.
Your hands again caress the beloved head.
You look once more into the trusting eyes of your friend.
And then, together, you cross The Rainbow Bridge.

Never again to be separated.

-- unknown

2009-03-18T12:31:00.001-07:00

To-Do List with Charlie

- Cherry Blossom Viewing
- Scrapbooking
- Seattle trip
- Bro's care to Charlie while I'm on a 10-day trip

I really hope to get these done in April and May.

Things for me to discover in springtime!

2009-03-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

Winter Farmers Markets
April 11, 25
hours: 10am-2pm
WISE Hall - 1882 adanac street, vancouver

Musica intima - this amazing day
April 17
hours: 8pm
christ church cathedral

Cat and dog shoppe
4th just 3 of macdonald ave

These will help me to regain strength to overcome the lost feelings and unreasonable demands of emotions by people in self-denial stage.

Subjectivity and Objectivity

2009-03-17T21:25:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to be fair? What is justice?
Sometimes, I don't know why I ask about these philosophical questions.
However, it would make total sense that both parties need to agree on the same terms, so that all of us are on the same page implementing procedures.

I guess I'm just stuck in-between the both worlds: when I do my job, I'm displeased by one party; when I don't do my job, I'm displeased by another. I keep pushing the communication, however, it didn't work and there is nothing I could do about it.

If these observations are all made accurately, I'm not subjective because people rely on the interviews to assess objectivity.

I realize that if the focus is our own ability, rather than inability, it will be a better way to put thoughts into perspective! Sometimes, if a coping strategy isn't working, it is challenging to break through and get help. I wish that people can focus on the best interests of others.

Sponsorship to a 9-year old boy in Bangladesh!

2009-03-15T18:38:00.000-07:00

After the health issues experienced by my dad and Charlie, I finally made up the mind yesterday to adopt a child from the sponsorship campaign at church in the past weekend. His name is Apuro. I've chosen this child because he loves to study and play sports, just like other children here in Canada. (He is one of the older boys to be adopted, but he reminds me of pup Charlie because I brought older Charlie home when everyone wanted the youngest) I'm looking forward to being a parent for this child whom I haven't seen in my life! Most importantly, he can continue to study and live in a healthy home for growing up! That's what I want to see =)

I did not know that my mother wanted to adopt a child in developing countries before. When I told my family, they said that it is a blessing that I continue with the spirit that mom desired! I am very surprised!!

Embracing the Past!

2009-01-25T01:23:00.000-08:00

When I studied in high school, I loved listening to Amei's songs!
Amei always sings sad love songs. It was indeed her signature style.
After 10 years, I finally have grown up with Amei.

2008 was a very special year in many of its ways.
Turning from 26 to 27, it has made me realize how much life has been transformed by the people who have touched my soul and enlightened my mind.

I'm still very sad when I listened to Amei's songs.
I love seeing pictures of first baby. Today, I saw babies getting baptized in the church too.
One day, I will also have a baby.

Thanks for all the blessings and faith in me.
Thanks for taking the time to visit me and show me concern.
Thanks for attempting to love me and giving me the best that you can ever offer.

Will I ever forget? Or, one day, will I ever forgive totally?

Sweet 16. Hopeless 17. Lost 18. Depressed 19. Faithful 20.
Adventurous 21. Independent 22. Accomplished 23.
Introspective 24. Faithful 25. Sweet 26.
Hardworking 27...

Thanks for believing marriage.
Thanks for believing the gift of life.
Thanks for sharing the love of animals.
Thanks for growing up with me!

Yes, only one day will there be heaven, I will see you again...
Don't ever look back.
Don't ever miss me.
Be present and look into the future.
May we all meet again.
Thanks for saying a goodbye to me...
All of my significant characters before 20...
I loved you.
I pray to God that you find heaven.
Marriage is the bond that exists on earth.
Will there be a kind of love that exist between husband and wife that transcend through ages? (through eternity)
May you find the kind of love that heals your soul.
May you live fully at the presence.
I pray that you find the eternal peace.

Thanks Amei for bringing back the many past memories and bringing about healing!
One day, I shall be totally well!

Happy New Year!

2009-01-18T13:52:00.000-08:00

Some good news to share...

- Starting a new school term with less course load
- Teaching more piano students
- Helping dad to recover from heart surgery and develop healthy eating habits
- Helping bro to recover from schizophrenia and develop healthy family relationships
- Helping Charlie to be persistent walking everyday
- Helping Ada to be ready for baptism in Easter
- Preparing GABA to move to a new day care location in springtime
- Building up St. Mary's Sat choir to sing full harmonies and play more jazzy rhythms
- Starting to give out red pockets in Chinese New Year to little kids this year!
- Developing more social life in springtime

Although I don't have a list of new year's resolutions, these are all my goals to work upon currently which I hope that they won't be falling apart as the busy year goes by! =)

This term, I'm taking a course on 'Introduction to Educational Research', which allows me to write a research proposal towards the end of the course!

For Easter, I'm hoping to have the choir up and running with harmonies directly from JSII!!

Around May, I'm traveling to Toronto for visiting families and taking a break from study and work for about 1.5 weeks!!!

What about your plans? =)

Notably Sad Weekend

2008-12-01T22:56:00.000-08:00

The past weekend was known as 'Black Saturday and Sunday' for me!

I battled with the world of unreasonable males in my life!
I dragged my supervisor back to work on crisis.
I directed the singers at the tree-lighting event.
I ignored the pleas and put down all house chores for exam-studying.

Just nuts, nuts, nuts!!!

Sometimes, I wonder why females have to do their work and be professional about it, when the males don't do them properly.

When I put pressure on them directly or indirectly, they usually realize how incompetent they are which I didn't want to do that in the first place. When I act too humbly, they just ignore you -- how funny is that?

If I only have to deal with one, that's fine.
Deal with two at the same time, ok.
Deal with three together? I'm blown off -- right there.

Glad that when I talked with some older ladies, they gave me a hand!
When I talked with older women (like mothers), I usually feel better right after!
Sometimes, life is like this! You cannot prevent bad comings, but you can learn how to handle and accept them with professionalism.

The only thing that did light up my gloomy weekend was the fact that my piano student (who has autism) started to play his first two songs by himself! His grandma was overjoyed for the fact that he was talking more about movies and music songs!! I was humbled by the immense grace upon this family...

PRIDE and HUMBLENESS have only a fine line of difference.
This family certainly teaches me a sense of humbleness and grace...
... more than anything related to be full of pride!

I also want to write an article in the future about 'Autism in Spiritual Lives'!
When I was playing piano at baptism this weekend, I saw poor Fr. Mark had to heavily prompt the parents and godparents to get faith into real actions by attending classes and listening to catechism.
I also agree with Fr. Mark.
If Catholics can learn well from catechism class, there is really no need to go into 'Life in the Spirit' seminars... this is just crazy when people try to do statistics without doing algebra first.
Keep watch, take heart.

My life is full of mostly females who are smarter than males.
Hopefully, my hubby can help me to change this point-of-view in the long run!

Frustration

2008-11-27T18:31:00.000-08:00

Being a frustrated therapist lately, I have been getting myself to calm down and thinking what to do to help everyone the best.

My primary kid has been involving in excessive self-injurious behaviors lately.
He bangs his head to the point that he would not stop and get very emotional about things that may go unnoticed. I just cannot imagine how life is like for him at home. There is no way for us to communicate with him, neither he can communicate with us. He just cries and bangs his head - sometimes, gets what he wants/ gets attention. He is just so angry at the world, at everybody, for misunderstanding him and ignoring him in his lonely little world.

What is really 'killing' me is that his poor mom tries to take care of him and herself (in the absence of her husband temporarily away in China). Having a dysfunctional kid in the family, why would the man want to leave the family and be away? Just give me an acceptable reason. The family is dysfunctional and at least he can try to arrange a friend or two to look after your wife and your son. Anyway, just my personal thought...

I'm speaking like a BIG MICROPHONE to voice out all these concerns and opinions!
Perhaps I should change my role not using microphone as a singer anymore.
I should definitely use the microphone to tell people stop abusing or neglecting your loved ones.
I can only find peace when my primary kid is safe, sound, learning, and finding the bridge with the world. His mom is so good for being there for him. She just doesn't know what to do. Bless their hearts for making a change in this world!

Rigidity and Letting Go

2008-11-21T19:30:00.000-08:00

Today, I had a very unique experience with a 4-year old kid!

At singing group time, he was sitting in the front of me with his red circle mat. The deal was that he cannot have the red color, but he can have any other colors. He was bursting into tears when I said that the red circle mat that he attempts to sit on (or already is sitting on) is MINE! He has to learn how to let it go!

He did it very well. He knows that he isn't supposed to have the red circle, but to have other ones. He almost cracked down, but he did so well!!!! I was entertaining him with very funny or exaggerated actions along the song. He has decided that it was fine for me to take the red circle mat away. I took it away very fast too. I cannot waste any minute to make him cracking down.

A person's rigidity can exhibit in various ways! This is only one of the very interesting example. (apart from my husband's =p!)

No More OTs!!!!

2008-11-14T21:36:00.000-08:00

My husband has been working day and night on the project with people in India, every day of every week.
It is getting to the point that I cannot really accept his devotion of time and effort...
I really need to voice this out...

Charlie and I are not happy!
(that's why he is having accidents at home =p)

Something funny to share!

2008-11-13T23:17:00.000-08:00

Top Reasons to be a Behavior Analyst

We know our ABCs
We can teach stupid pet tricks
Don't blame me, I'm a product of my environment...
We don't need no stinkin' statistics!
The continual frustration of being right
We don't have to think
There is religious revelation in replication
We get to say, "SHOW ME THE DATA!"
Behavior Counts
Because reinforcement isn't just for breakfast anymore

This is life!!!!

My daughter got married!!!

2008-11-08T20:21:00.000-08:00

My daughter got married at the church today!

I'm not joking! I do have a daughter - to be more specific, she is my god-daughter!

She is my god-daughter since 2006. Although I didn't have a chance to see her and her husband at the ceremony, I was delighted to be part of her journey for the morning 'pick-up-the-bride' games and emcee at her wedding reception. Through behind the scenes, I saw that she was so bogged down by the details and luckily many good friends helped her out. I can understand from her point-of-view and things become difficult when her husband lives in Toronto when she has to organize the ceremony in Vancouver. It's easy to organize a banquet, but it's relatively harder to organize the ceremony for it is a sacred journey.

I met a poor girl who worked so hard on the night before, and it was also her birthday. She has a heart of gold who does the best for the bride. She is very young and I wonder sometimes how she can handle things without working too hard, or getting discouraged from being afraid to make mistakes! She is truly blessed for she is such a great friend!!

I saw many aunties at the wedding. Sometimes, I got scared from seeing too many aunties. In fact, it was a nice opportunity for them to sit back and relax -- just seeing the youngsters running around and preparing things here and there. I wonder if I would become one of them when I got old - but I'd like to stay YOUNG! ha!

Because I was at the morning games, I was in charge with one of the games to trick the groom and groomsmen. It was the first time ever for me to be a 'sister'! It was kind of interesting as the groomsmen were so eager to get involved in my game - 'candies and socks'!! They were asked to give out one 'smelly' sock to be put out on the rope - as they danced through the limbo, they would have to imagine going through the 'sweet' and 'smelly' events in life. What a kind game for the guys, right?

It was also my first time working with my husband in an event setting! It was very special for us. Although I know that he has a Toastmaster training at work, I never get a real taste of his improvement in giving speeches until weddings this year. Not that only he gave a great speech at our wedding, he was able to lead and guide my part when I felt scared talking in front of the big group (without my cheat sheet) today at our goddaughter's wedding. We were joking with one another that we finally had our daughter married and could start retiring from now! =D =D =D

Talking about our new friend - the groom. We heard their story of knowing one another: It has been a very touching journey indeed. They might not want to share in front of everyone, but their sweetness is on their face for the whole day. He is specially welcomed by the family in Vancouver =) Such a deep sense of joy as they started calling each other 'husband' and 'wife'! I'm sure that he is going to share the special times in town with his newly wed wife for the next little while... =D (He is a man with true faith! He shows genuineness from the games this morning!! Pretty good stuff!!!)

All the best to them on their journey =) I really hope that they can get to celebrate a bit more as they will hold the larger banquet in Hong Kong during Christmas! May my husband and I keep continuing in praying for them, Amen.

do-not-resuscitate (DNR)

2008-11-03T15:33:00.000-08:00

After working in the field of disabilities for almost 3 years, I am trying re-work some of the past memories in life where ethical decisions were to be made that bring about the outcome of today's life situation.

Our family had to face an issue of DNR at the hospital around 8 years ago, when our mother had a serious brain injury from a pedestrian accident. To me, I was 19. Didn't even know what life is all about - but had to face an issue of death. (Same as for my older brother, I am sure) Our father was in China at that moment to resolve a business crisis. To him, it was also a traumatic experience for the fact that he had to lose either one - business or spouse. He didn't know for the fact that my mother got worse after he left, thus when he was back, he had to accept the fact that his wife was not there anymore.

It was a difficult time for us. It still is. It is living fact now - as I have been mothering my family in the past 8 years' time. Everything - good and bad - from the male members of my family, I have seen them all. Sometimes, to the point that I started to get very 'upset' with the male part of the world, but luckily, Horace brings in a new perspective as we get married to live together this year! (My church choir, or Fr. Mark, can tell that I am changed!)

To me, I believe that each life has a value.
Especially for those who have disabilities, they teach us that life has a value.
How can we project our future by calculating the 'quality of life' in terms of numerical numbers and societal values?

I'm not trying to push my poor mind into a corner, but really if I were to have a stronger faith and a better brain at 19, I would NOT agree to the DNR order upon my mother. The issue was two-sided: (1) although her state of health was poor, at least she could get to wait for my father to come back and say goodbye; (2) how do we not know how life would have laid out things nicely for her? Why do we have to assume that we are 'God' who can see and decide upon things for everyone around her and for her?

Some people would disagree with me upon the stance towards DNR, as this is a controversial topic anyway. I just don't believe in the fact that disabilities don't have a life -- they just have a different lifestyle but can still enjoy what we're enjoying today. It is a choice for life! Only if we choose to live!!

(Written in memory of my beloved mother, Amy Ma-Tsang, 1947-1999)

Domestic Violence

2008-11-02T18:11:00.000-08:00

Today, I was looking through a webpage of an old colleague. She got married in the beginning of this year; however, she got a divorce a few months after because her husband physically hurt her. It is hard and sometimes it is even harder to put things into perspective after the traumatic experience.

I'm a lucky girl. My husband is a nice guy. He doesn't physically hurt me, although he likes to hurt my feelings from time to time... I'm a lucky girl now!

I was once a victim of domestic violence 2 years ago. My neighbor phoned the police and arrested the assaulter. It was difficult for me because I never knew that someone could hurt me physically within my family. If my father would be around, this would never happen. I tried not to think too much, after all, I have forgiven the one who hurt me.

Although I still want to see him, it would not be the same again. I missed my brother who gave me tarapanda back in the old days of university - it was only 8 years ago. I really missed his healthy self.

If God can grant me the wisdom and grace, I wish I can bring peace to this situation. Bring peace to my dad, and bring peace to my afflicted brother. As our family friend says, God would take care of it. I just wish that this day would come soon!

Headbanging

2008-10-31T18:09:00.000-07:00

When I looked up this word, it says 'headbanging is a type of dance that involves violently shaking head in time with music, most commonly rock music and heavy metal music.'

To me, my head starts to hurt when a kid keeps headbanging because he cannot get what he desires. Or, he would head bang to attack just to vent out his strong emotions. I feel for him, however, why does it take this point to get help? Or, I don't understand why things are not working out for him? (ie. breakfast, lunch, dinner) If he doesn't eat or sleep well, how can he sustain? Sometimes, he is very absorbed and 'eccentric' to the point that he is having a tantrum for the purpose of tantrum. He forgets what he wants in the beginning and becomes very unreasonable.

I get tired from working with him. I really need a break from him! (Poor mom has to face him on a day-to-day basis, 24/7) Sigh!

Moving In Together!

2008-10-28T10:26:00.000-07:00

After struggling for more than 2 months, Horacio and I are finally moved in!
As a single man before, he had way too many things that he didn't use.
As a single woman before, I had way too many things inherited from my family which I cannot throw them away.
When the both of us coming together, we have to make a lot of decisions together! Luckily, I'm so used to 'moving' that things just come to my attention within 10 secs and I can decide whether it's a 'stay' or a 'go'.

I really enjoy the new life with Horacio and love to be his wife taking care of him.
I had to prepare Charlie to understand that Horacio was going to live with us, by showing a picture with the three of us - naming us and keeping saying the word 'family' to him =) (sometimes, you never know if he understands, it's better to prepare him than him getting upset when his territory got attacked by Horacio's constant appearance and his dusty boxes)

Thanks Helen for sparing her small boxes with us! We ended up using all of them too!!

I'm really excited that now that we are husband and wife building a new home together.
Hopefully, we can continue to build a new family when the right time comes.
Thanks for all the wedding registry gifts and blessings to make this happening for us!
Thanks for praying and helping us on the way.
God bless!

Maryknollers vs. LaSallians

2008-10-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

Since I was a little girl, my daddy was filling me with stories back in the good, old days in La Salle College in Hong Kong! I doubt if half of them were right, half of them were just purely told for dramatic reasons... but I'm proud of my dad for who he is, even till now!

Although there seems to be a 'bad boy' image attached to La Salle boys, they really are good kids! They are smart, intelligent, and able to figure out creative ways of making you laugh (be it bad or good jokes!!). My dad was also proud for the fact that I studied in Maryknoll because I could continue his tradition of being brought up in Catholic schools (vs. Protestant in Diocesan girls that my mom wanted to follow my brother's footsteps).

I just want to let the young La Salle boys to know that without the old La Salle boys, there will be no present La Salle! No matter how bad you guys are, remember to salute to the old La Salle boys as you see them - as you guys sing the same, old song! Ha!! ''And no matter what we go!"

True or False?

2008-10-26T08:24:00.000-07:00

When we were still college students, you probably would remember the torturing fact that you need to guess true (50%) or false (50%) from multiple-choice exam questions!

The reality is that how much can you trust a person who is true or make false claims to you?

Person is a variable, which is subject to internal characteristics and environmental elements. In fact, I think that people are the most variable entity in the world.

I'm challenged upon the reality that a person who aren't closely related to me can be truer than one who is. I have to choose between trusting the person who is closer, or the one who isn't. I have made several attempts to verify the facts that the person who isn't closer to prove that the hypothesis is null or alternative. Is he/she seeking medical treatment and social help? Is there a real effect in terms of so-called therapy?

Ironically, how can you measure an individual's good faith? What is the probability of performing charitable actions in this world? (meaning no monetary benefit returns?) How much can you trust and draw a conclusion upon the claim between truth or falsehood?? (by how many percentage it's true, or it's false)

If you decide to trust a person who is close to you, you can make a Type II error; however, if you decide to trust a person who isn't close to you, you can make a Type I error (which can be reversible). How much risk am I willing to take?

Naviety can be one of my weaknesses!
I just wish that the world can be a better place for me to mend the broken parts made by the person who is close to me to the person who isn't close to me...
In reality, this would be my motivation to keep the game going.
Life isn't interesting if one is perfect! Life can only be complete when love can better help a person to overcome struggles and make little successes stage by stage!

I hope that Horacio is on the same stance with me in this investigative game of 'truth or falsehood'!

PS. I'm a big fan of Sherlock Holmes since mid-childhood... I wish that I still have the time to complete his novel series in English again.

MY BEST PAL - CHARLIE!

2008-10-19T14:10:00.000-07:00

Charlie has been a wonderful boy this morning!

He went with me to attend the BC Walk for Autism at Central Park, where our family used to bring him to chase after the ducks in the pond and on the golf course!

He did an amazing job today =) He went downstairs at the stadium (with treats of course!), stood for waiting, and walked a couple of miles before falling down. I knew that he tried hard! It was a good exercise for him, as well for me, so that we can take better care of him by preparing him and enrolling him for a charity walk.

He is 13! He is working hard to work for a cause!!
I'm so proud of him =)

PS. Our walk number is 1854.

Life as a Married Woman!

2008-10-12T14:14:00.000-07:00

It is a wonderful long weekend of Canadian thanksgiving, which gives me the opportunity to breathe and get to write something about my new life after the wedding back in mid-August (less than 2 months ago).

As funny as it may sound, I'm still getting used to writing, signing, calling myself, and being called as 'Mrs. Chan'. It is not like story book straight-forward style, but it is a process that I can become somebody's wife. No longer a princess. No longer a little daughter. No longer single - but yet, I'm learning how to embrace life with my husband, bit by bit, step by step - like how we awkwardly did our first dance at the wedding =)

It is also my vision of building a family based upon the foundation of love and faith. Just in the past couple of days, I have received all my wedding photos and videos! I was slowly gathering info back from the wedding day - like the part that I missed from 'pick-up-the-bride' games, the pre- banquet time at Kirin, etc. I also got to know Horace's groomsmen better, because I never knew them before - except Chris, Vincent, Lenny, Wallace, Leon... of course, the LaSallian Old Boys... how can I forget them?! =)

For Horace's part, he has been on-and-of in Vancouver this year! He has been flying to India 3 times, once to Toronto, once to Hong Kong, and of course, once to Italy/Greece/Turkey with me for honeymoon (of course!!!!). For us, we went through 6 and a half years together before stepping our feet into the church door for committing as husband and wife! Albeit we would love to get married earlier, we have chosen to get married in 2008 for our relationship has matured to be able to carry on for our next stage in life...

For me, I have been wanting to become a mom of course! I have a god-daughter, a golden retriever... and teach many kids at work. Becoming a wife is another point - to be the woman of your husband. Supporting him for who he is. More importantly, supporting him to be the best of himself and of the world's vision. It is challenging for me, because in North American culture, one's individuality is highly valued. Even the clothing trend for men is getting more unisex, projecting both the male and female side of us, to outline our own individual style and self! SELF is the hot topic here - why do I think of the other way round?

As rebellious as I may still sound like a teen, I rebel what the world has been telling me. Don't get me wrong that I'm antisocial, however, I think that if we can be 'self-less' to one another, give ourselves to one another, and have faith in what serves the best for one another and for others. That's the most important thing in my life!

Horace and I are very happily married. Both of us are glad to share our special moments with all our families and friends. It is truly a blessing to receive and share our joyful union, when heaven and earth unites. From the wedding mass, I can feel the strong presence of God through readings, music from the choir, and the homily. The Trinitarian Love that Fr. Mark advises us to grow and care in each of our hearts - I am honored to be loved soooo much and thank God for all His goodness. God knows my heart and He provides.

On our honeymoon, we went to many cities through bus and the cruise. We loved our trip! It was unique. We planned to receive the Papal Blessing, but the Pope didn't meet with us when we got there... on the other hand, we went to St. John's Basilica and the House of Virgin Mary in Ephesus which even opened our minds up even more as a 'Christian'!! Why? Because we were able to follow the footsteps after the Church was founded... I'm still learning how to read the gospel of John and the book of Ephesians closely. I also learnt about the 'chi-rho' as I ignorantly didn't know about the early history of the Church, which is always one of the most controversial topic in getting into discussions about religions. I've begun to understand how Muslims also want to have peace with Christians, from our trip to Ephesus. Sometimes, we just have to be open-minded to all the ecological factors that compromise in the culture of diversity in this world. How can one be so sure if your opinion is truly the right one? I have had a hard time getting along with people who are extremely subjective - and the only way to deal with them is to ignore. Nothing is good in communicating anything to them. All they want is to use you as instruments to feed on their own philosophical way of life. Even some Evangelicals which I have encountered bunches... which have not seem to impress me at all!

On the other hand, I treasure all the gifts that we share as humans in building the community in harmony and peace. Just like in a neighborhood house. I can never get along with people who constantly think that they are the best!

Luckily, my man is not like one (anymore)! It takes a lifelong process to gradually understand how to be humble and share the genuine heart for 'people first'. Not 'computers first', not 'money first', not 'self first'... that's what I'm learning too - and my textbooks from school keep pounding on me... stop being so subjective! stop and think!! keep believing and loving!!! Or the kids at work keep taking my glasses off so that their words can be listened. They are trying to tell everyone that they can be just as SMART! They are disabled, but they are not dumb.

Life as a married woman has not been easy. Working, studying, and homemaking are all-in-one! Hopefully, when Horace is back for good in Christmas, we can comfortably sit down in our new home, enjoying our hot chocolate with roasted chestnuts, in peace and joyful harmony soon! Afterall, life is a PROCESS!!! =)

Love from Mrs. Patricia Chan

God is truly GOOD to me!!! It's a MIRACLE!!!

2008-10-11T03:16:00.000-07:00

Just about 12 hours ago, I experienced something that is totally bizarre, but yet I know that this is a gift from God showing His way to me!

At work, I was working with a kid who had been a bit sober, because his heart was hurting from the separation from his parents. In fact, he has autism which makes life even harder as he is not able to fully express himself - plus he is a KID! Life is very vulnerable. I was holding him in my arms at the outdoor playground in school today. He was laying comfortably on my shoulders - so comfortable that he does not want to move. He was just happy for the simple fact that he was embraced, hugged, and cared for! I was not totally aware of what had been happening in his life, however, as I was holding him in my arms longer, I could gradually feel his pain. It is the type of pain that greatly saddens my heart, as if life is very weak and I wonder why his parents end up not being for him. Only grandma has been strong and determined to hold things together for the better future of this kid! She is old but she knows that only having this little kid leading a happy and healthy life is the salvation to God. I tried very hard to hold my tears back at work. In fact, I tried to ignore and forget about it after work (because I'd always tell myself to be professional and be emotionally stable). After a few hours, my mind started to get occupied with this thought again - my heart kept telling me to swing by my parish. I thought that it would be cool because it was Friday night and I would always try to make it to Eucharistic Adoration if I possibly can. It is my way of inviting God in my life again, apart from serving at Sat 5pm mass.

October is the month of rosary. I was thinking to say a rosary for the need and the poor, thus I dug out my rosary to bring along as I walked from parking lot to the church. I was thinking about this little kid. All of a sudden, he appeared in front me through the windows, in the crying room of the church! I just could not believe this!

His grandma brought him to church!! Wow, the minute I was thinking about him, he was in front of me. It was when I had my ROSARY in hand! Can you believe this?

I did not plan on saying hello to them, because I thought it might be a better idea to keep some distance (as professional and personal lives should not mix too much). As grandma was trying to put the candle at the altar table, in front of the monstrance, this little man made a lot of noises to get people's attention. I immediately went up and sat behind him! I figured that if he recognizes me that he would stop what he was doing, but also he got to have some fun with me.

As soon as grandma returned, she figured that she probably did not recognize my face. However, I was just overwhelmed. Completely.

May God help and strength the heart of this little kid. I really hope that he can make this stage through... (afterall life shall be easier for you... just think of that!!!!)

Scrapbooking Weekend with BC Children's

2008-09-29T01:56:00.000-07:00

In the past weekend, Agnes and I went to the fundraiser in Abbotsford with many ladies to spend the days and nights working on our scrapbooks. It was a lot of fun - the retreat is, first of all, full of women. Second of all, we brought along many photos and materials for scrapbook. Third, we made arts and crafts together for the charitable purpose.

The days were filled with classes and prize draws!!!
It was good for us to take the classes because we could make page-layouts and nice-looking cards under instructor's guidance =)

I saw many ladies bringing in wedding photos, baby photos, trip photos, family photos... all wonderful memories from their lives to make them look interesting on the showcase of their own scrapbooks. It was a meaning event because all of us brought in our own lives and shared them back to our families and friends!

Agnes also filled me in many stories from my wedding day, as she was one of my bridesmaids who helped me behind the scene to take care of many, many things (especially for guest registration). As well as her boyfriend, Walter. They are such a lovely couple too.

I really appreciate for the fact that we're making differences in children's lives - by giving them smiles in their lives, helping them to grow in their full potential through health and knowledge! Agnes and I are blessed to have gone to this weekend retreat!!

Visit to Monsignor's Parish!

2008-09-22T15:27:00.000-07:00

In the past weekend, 9 of us from our church choir went on a retreat to enjoy the fellowship and learn more about the spirituality and theory technique in ministering church music!

We drove on a Friday evening to escape to Whistler. I've thought that it would be a combination of knowledge and spirit-filled environment for us to enjoy -- but also, I did not expect that we did a good job in visiting Monsignor!

It is a beautiful parish!!! It's surrounded by woods and residencial homes. When we have a mass inside the church, we could look over the mountains from Blackcomb and Whistler. Monsignor told us that 'Our Lady of Mountains' is the only denominational church in the town of Whistler. There's a community church provided by the government, with sponsored land and fundings. It was a difficult decision to turn down the offer, by creating our own church, while having to go in debt for years.

I learn to appreciate the nature, but also learn to embrace faith through the love of sacraments through the Catholic faith deeper. I love God and it is through paschal mystery that my life is constantly renewed and fulfilled - and therefore, I can renew and fulfill others who long to see God.

It is a nice fellowship weekend for us to eat, drink, sing, exercise, shop, sleep and most important of all, pray together!

Although we pray together every week by singing at the church every Saturday, it is a different experience when we can sit in the congregation to pray together as a group - without worrying about singing the right notes, or going up to the ambo to lead the responses of psalm. When I can see my group in a different setting, it is such a good time for us to connect and appreciate deeper in companionship. We journey with Christ. We also journey with one another.

We learned about:
1. Spirituality
2. Purpose of Music Ministry
3. Music theory - time value, dotted rhythm
4. More song repertoires
5. Singing technique and warmups

It was a great idea that we could shop in IGA for veggies and gifts for Monsignor. We had a nice sit-down dinner! Our chef, Marylou, made us:

1. Chicken soup
2. Beef on rice
3. Caesar salad (from Costco)
4. Fruits (from Costco) and sweets (from her personal collections)

Our server, Dimas, also gave us reds/whites/orange-C! It was so much fun!!
He also brought us a fun boardgame to mingle and socialize at the end of the evening~~~

Monsignor loves to ski. He goes to ski about 50 times in a year. No wonder he loves Whistler.

We were also the lucky ones that thru his younger brother, we could manage to be accepted as guests in his house! Dimas was also very kind to go through Fr. Mark for finding this location for us. Monsignor encourages young people to participate in the Church. It was hard for me to explain - but we had such an enjoyable time for us to converse, meet, and be encouraged from one another in the presence of God and building our Catholic faith =)

God is really GOOD.
Hope our choir can be renewed and filled with God's holy spirit to function in the new year!
Looking forward to the next one for next year's June!!!

Way to go - St. Mary's Saturday 5pm choir!!! =)

On a personal musical retreat...

2008-09-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

THE PRAYER - Andrea Brocelli and Celine Dion

I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we don't know.
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way.
Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe.

La luce che tu dai (I pray we'll find your light)
Nel cuore restera (And hold it in our hearts)
A ricordarci che (When stars go out each night)
L'eterna stella sei.

Nella mia preghiera (Let this be our prayer)
Quanta fede c'e (When shadows fill our day)
Lead us to a place (Guide us with your grace)
Give us faith so we'll be safe.

Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza,
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza.
Ognuno dia una mano al suo vicino,
Simbolo di pace di fraternita.

La forza che ci dai (We ask that life be kind)
E desiderio te (And watch us from above)
Ognuno trovi amor (We hope each soul will find)
Intorno e dentro se. (Another soul to love)

Let this be our prayer,
Just like every child.
Needs to find a place,
guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe.

E la fede che hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salverai...

I always pray that God leads us in our way to His kingdom through our marriage.
God's way is ours; ours be God's.
Amen.

Academic Journey

2008-09-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

As some of you have known, I work with little kids who have special needs. For me entering back the world of academia, it is a refresher and a nutritious breakfast I need. It is going to be a long journey if I plan to apply for the master's program in autism.

Between me and my husband, we are very different entities. He is the practical and structural guy, while I am the 'all-over-the-place' girl! He is helping me to 'structure' my life, such as cooking for me and driving me home, for this trasition moment in time. He even accompanies me when I experienced an anxiety attack handing in my first assignment... I know, in his hands, I will be just fine =) (since he wouldn't experience these things at all and just keeps scooping me forward... kakakaaa)

I'm sure that it will take us a year to get everything adjusted!

I will be sure to appreciate and learn to be humble with people with disabilities around me! Every life has a value, as I daily pray.
How can I be of good use to help?
We will see!!

One Month Complete!

2008-09-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

Although we finished our honeymoon trip 2 weeks ago, the memories are still very fresh in our minds!

Salty yet refreshing air breeze from the ocean...
White clouds everywhere on the sky (just like the ones from Renaissance paintings)...
Deep marine waters around the cruise with white waves...
(I can keep writing and writing on the cruise!)

This was my very first time to be on nautical journey! Either I was too tired from doing touring on each port-of-call, or I was busy from doing facial in the state-room - I only can get to accomplish a few pages of my journal thoughts about the wedding. Only when I was forced to sit on a chair during transit from Leonardo da Vinci Airport (Rome), I could start some concrete thoughts in writing.

It is interesting how the thought of wedding planning details would keep coming back! It went very nicely; however, there were little glitches that I knew that it didn't go well -- picture-time with my church guests! I didn't get to take pictures with the groups assigned, also there was no group photo!! (I was actually quite stressed out at that time... but what could I do? I have to learn to let go)

It was a PERFECT day afterall - with imperfection, just like me =) an imperfect human-being!!

I love how Fr. Mark described Horace as a supporter to the work that I do in the choir =) Horace supports by putting away the mics, sitting on the side, and waiting patiently until my work is finished! This is a little romantic moment that I wasn't able to catch... but Fr. Mark can tell about it to everyone (from a male perspective too!) - it is such a blessing!

Both of us have become more active in doing facials and dancing on the floor!! Hopefully, after this busy school term, we can start to pick up our waltz lessons again together =)

Love you, Horace! Happy one month!!

Songs that touch my heart...

2008-09-15T14:19:00.000-07:00

I would like to share the songs that were chosen on my wedding day!

Alvina's song illustrates the words from my heart very well -- she is like angel telling my prayers... as I'm listening to it now, my tears can't help from rolling down. As I'm married to my husband, my heart is very much at peace -- the kind of PEACE that he can only provide as God blesses us everyday!

一輩子愛您 (國) 王菀之

那次不同地點　消失在十年前放一邊的照片　我們笑得很甜愛情就要發生我們之前發現彼此有點　演得明顯一直不敢向你開口是我從未試過這樣忍著我愛您　感謝天父讓我們在一起兩顆心繫上最深的情意在這一刻是痴情靠著沒有距離我愛您　幸福的鐘聲為我們響起為了您我是甚麼都願意　永遠珍惜喜怒哀樂的經歷　直到白頭我會一輩子愛您每天我睜開眼　都看見您的臉輕輕的溫柔的　吻你抱你入眠有一天寶貝在我們中間生活更添喜悅　每一瞬間你在我生命中出現　我就跟幸福連成一線我愛您　感謝天父讓我們在一起兩顆心繫上最深的情意在這一刻是痴情靠著沒有距離我愛您　幸福的鐘聲為我們響起為了您我是甚麼都願意　永遠珍惜喜怒哀樂的經歷　直到白頭我會一輩子愛您這可一不可再的一段情燦爛得讓全世界都感動的愛情春夏秋冬都經歷　直到白頭我會一輩子好好地愛您

Now that my husband and I are moving in together at this stage, we're thinking of many little things - like how to move the furnitures, what color do we want, how to squeeze in both of our stuff (plus my parents' stuff)!!

送我一個家 泳兒

晴朗天　榕樹蔭月半彎　圖畫想得多漂亮前景敢不敢跟你　去開發在市區　望向理想的優雅談著儲蓄的計劃　我卻不信城內會沒有吵架如樓下　太喧嘩樓上娃娃哭了嗎連累小小的我不禁害怕難道愛亦會變得頹垣敗瓦回家　屋邨幾多伙人家然後發現哪伙還會愉快能令我極眷戀的家　有嗎藍吊燈　桃木桌白絹紗　尋找裝修的抉擇研討傢俬的擺設　與風格在市區　望向美好的高塔談盡美好的說話　我卻想到城外我遇過的家如樓下　太喧嘩樓上娃娃哭了嗎連累小小的我不禁害怕難道愛亦會變得頹垣敗瓦回家　屋邨幾多伙人家然後發現哪伙還會愉快能令我願每天一起　回家你未必需要給我密碼或者請送我一個家要是你能為我情願付最大代價期望你亦能令我遺忘愛會慢慢平淡如樓下　種鮮花樓上輕輕敲結他誰在家中跟我彷似渡假炫耀愛沒有變得頹垣敗瓦回家屋邨幾多伙人家然後抱著你可微笑睡覺而合照亦要靠一起　去掛

I'm thinking of my father's family and relatives in China and Singapore! Hope that they're all doing well!

Officially Mrs. Chan!

2008-09-15T00:09:00.000-07:00

Since Aug 16, I have been Mrs. Chan for a month!!!

We did many things together =) got married and went on honeymoon trip! Now that I'm wearing the band that he got me, it is simple yet that's what I want to wear for the rest of my life.

I am a lucky bride that he is helping me to take care of my father and Charlie!
Also, he develops a sense of love to the sound of piano music, which strengthens me to continue my daily work both as a teacher, and an artist.
As well, he loves little kids (he 'is' a kid too!) which guides me on the way to help those who have special needs.

I'm glad that I can offer something good to the world, making differences in peoples' lives. I truly thank God for the opportunity to be blessed and continuously bless others to do His work!

Horace - I'm very glad to be married to you!

May our lives together be God's and full of grace in peace.

Dreams

2008-07-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I wonder what should we do in our dreams.

When we're asleep, our brain is rested and at some point dreams coming out to illustrate the desires and unfulfilled wishes.

Approaching closer to the wedding day, I'm excited and weary at the same time. It feels like a marathon which I know that my legs are hurt which my partner isn't caring for me... he runs and runs and runs - and makes fun of me when I can't run. I wonder what's in his mind and how can he not be able to see my needs to be carried...

Loneliness, abandonment, exile... last night, the choir had a retreat with Taize community materials. How nice that we can chant together, sing together, pray together, share together, and laugh together. We were talking about what things that we can do for God to transform the world to help others from being lonely, abandoned and put into exile...

Everyone is busy in their lives. At often times, we are left out and feel very lonely with our presence... How can we feel connected again and be well? Also, how can we help others first before being able to help our own self?

I honestly haven't been able to connect with Horace in our wedding dreams lately. We get bogged down with wedding details and things just seem to go into the water hole... energy is wasted coz we aren't on the same page. He doesn't understand about the points that I'm pushing forward... I'm alone and have to listen to the accusing statements that he makes of me, even in front of his friends. I feel sad, heartbroken, and torn... things aren't right!

Things aren't right when a friend of mine gave me a wrong number.

Things aren't right when a sibling chose to react in a scary way.

I'm glad that God is RIGHT!

Rite of Passage

2008-06-06T23:54:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,

I'm preparing myself to attend a wedding party tomorrow! I'm too excited to sleep...

At some point, I have known the bride and the groom separately in my life... they started to date each other around the same time as Horace and I started going out, about 6 years ago.

Remembering the old times that we used to party at my old house, I was seeing many friends coming together or breaking apart. It is a blessing to celebrate a human union! A new creation for a family to come.

I'm never an exciting person to say any exciting things to excite anyone - all I want to say is that they are made for each other and God is going to be their best friend in the marriage journey together! :) It is the best gift ever!

Happiness is doubled when it is shared! I sincerely wish Gary and Monica with a happy life for many years to come...

Economics of Good Faith

2008-05-17T07:24:00.000-07:00

Last night, Horace, Angie (Horace's cousin) and I went out for West-Coast Indian foods last night! Horace is the oldest amongst all of his cousins from both mom's and dad's sides. It is amazing to see that Horace in 'Big-Bro' mode who takes care of other younger 'siblings.'

Many friends have asked us about our stress-level of wedding planning! To be honest, it is quite high but it is manageable. It is a happy stress afterall :) Both of us are willing to share the joy and sorrows together, which is the most important part!

After working for a few years, I have started to develop a better capacity to handle stress because everyday is about changes and challenges within own control. Say facing an audience of hundreds... handling irresponsibilities... cooperating in small spaces... communicating constructively... accepting criticisms... Many good lessons to have learnt!

I'm just like another 26-year old: teaching young kids, mothering the family, and serving the church. Sometimes, strangers don't understand that I'm also a 'human being' just like who they are - except they don't want have themselves committed or involved in any groupings.

It is sad for me to see this sociological phenomenon - more and more people only choose for short and casual relationships, in terms of personal and work lives!

It is even sadder for me to see more and more people are more motivated by materialism, than by the real desires from within. They want money, because money can give them security.

To me, money is essential to maintain a good and healthy lifestyle. I don't need extravagant things and believe that true happiness only comes from God!

There is a new term that I coined recently -- economics of good faith. Sometimes, money is second but I think that whoever we invite to our wedding that we are already blessed! Same as Horace, I don't like to talk about cheesy things too. However, we also truly believe in 'what goes around, comes around.' Hopefully, our wedding can be an inspiration for many years to come!

Thanks for all the goods and bads in life to make me more human.

Two Funerals and One Wedding

2008-04-16T18:40:00.000-07:00

2008 is a very special year for me and the St. Mary's 5pm choir!

We have had two friends leaving us back to God's arms: Janine and Amelia. What struck me the most was that they 'left' us in a very short notice. Janine was a young girl and Amelia was a cancer fighter. My heart was in pain when I heard the departure news about these two friends. Although my mother passed away when I was 19, her soul led me closer to God but I was still very young and naive in understanding how everything in life, or life after death, works!

This year, I am 26. Much older, experienced, and stable - when facing the issues of death very close home again. It is a challenge; however, it is much easier to handle than before.

When Janine passed away in March, I was in shock after hearing about her drowning in an icy lake in Ontario. Even more shocking was that she was only 23 at that time! She was very gentle and sweet at heart. Just like little Teresa, she is called at a very young age.

When Amelia was living in a hospice for the last month, I had the opportunity to visit her twice - once with Vicky, Sharon, and Horace - and the other time was with Teresa. We also had the opportunity to talk on the phone for a couple of times. Her conversation will always stay in my mind. She is a wise counselor who cares and gives thanks at all times! I could see that she had worries at the back of her mind, but she was accepting and made the best out of the situation. I admire her strength and will to bring out what was the best out from her - as God would love her to.

She is truly a dear friend to all of us. She prepares us with peace. It is sad for me to bid farewell, but I know that she is only better because cancer has brought her and her family in much pain. I really wish to do something for them and God comforts them with love, peace, and warmth through the community.

I also once asked Amelia, "How do you handle to have a relationship with someone who doesn't truly believe in God? (like me and Horace)" She was trying to explain to me how I can make a difference in our family life by reading the Bible and sharing our thoughts together regularly. She advised me to be the harmony for the families of me and Horace - communicating with them regularly and knowing their needs to be met. I can only bring peace and God's love through actions! See how truly an evangelizer she was, is, and will be!!!

In the midst of organizing for my wedding, I share the sorrows from these two funerals. What may even hurt me more was that my brother was in still reconciliation with the family (when I recalled in all of the most important times of my life, ie. grad from primary/ secondary/ university - or even the 25th birthday that I had while he was in town living in the same house, he was not there and did not even care) No matter what, life still moves on! I think that only my father will come to my wedding from the family!!

Despite of many separations and departures, I truly thank God for giving me the opportunity to live and be thankful for all the good things that He has created! The world is full of love, only if we ourselves live it the way it is!! Cherish everything we have and celebrate them through our minds and actions!!!

I have to be 'energized' for organizing the wedding. Afterall, there will only be less than 4 months left!!!

Political Turmoil between Tibet and China

2008-04-11T22:26:00.000-07:00

What is the best way to bring about peace between Tibet and China?

Do we trust the government of China, or Dalai Lama?

Although this is a worldly business, can any other countries fully understand and help - but rather pose even more problems for the two parties to resolve in a non-violent way?

I don't fully understand about the demonstrations in London and San Francisco. How can people correlate their public thoughts between the Olympic fire and the human right issues?

Also, I don't partially understand about the boycott that the Canadian prime minister is issuing towards the businesses and media related to China. Do the Canadians really understand what is going on in China? Have they ever tried in understanding the issue clearly first, without labeling the 'problem' as human right issue in the first place?

Dalai Lama is undoubtedly one of the most inspiring leaders of peace in the 21st century. He speaks about the practice of 'compassion' and acts upon what he speaks for. However, how much can he really do on his own (if people don't cooperate with him in peace)? Thousands of monks were dead (for the reason of peacemaking or political bargaining chips)? Can separation solve the problem between the Tibet and China?

There are many questions to be resolved in writing the history of Asia. I can only see that if Asia wants to remain strong, people need to be united and come together to work for the better. Perhaps I could only wish for this dream one day!

Or... if billions of people in China and India can come together, they can fight against imperialism and generate richness in their economy, culture, and health.

Make Me a Channel of Thy Peace

2008-04-06T17:53:00.000-07:00

When I was 16, I met someone from my birthday party. He was a friend with one of the guys who attended the party. I didn't pay attention to him until we chatted on the internet - and later we dated for about a month.

It was hard for me to let go because at that time, he was being a 'player' who kept re-appearing in places where I bumped into him (with different girls each time): even once I was with my mom in a public supermarket. When my mom firstly knew that we were dating - she was so mad that she didn't let me to see him anymore, however she was willing to let me choose at the end.

My mom was right! It was a betrayal experience afterall. I finally could let go of him until two years later at a prayer meeting in school at UBC. God was helping me to seek for peace and strength to open for a new page in life!

During my university years, I saw a few guys in Vancouver and HK. I had to make a decision to stay or leave Vancouver - with God's guidance, I decided to stay. As I made my choice, life is starting to test me again.

Now that after ten years, I have now found my true love: HC! We are getting married in Vancouver this August!! Sometimes, life is hard to explain, but he is the reason with all the experiences that I had to encounter before!

Since 2000, HC has been there for me - through the worst and best times!! (even more than my own family) He was the one who made me laugh sooooooo hard when I fell... he could entertain me when I felt lonely... he also would challenge me when I (or everyone else) think it's right. He would help me when I am in trouble.

HC is an extreme left-brainy and I truly appreciate for who he is (with an extreme right-brainy I am). Some of my older friends would dislike him - but I believe that you would have a second thought if you see him now after all these years living on own in Vancouver...

I also thank HC for letting me to attend the vocation's retreat last year.
I had no regrets before he made a proposal on June 26, 2007! (or else I'd be called Sister Patricia)

When I thought back, I forgave and forgot someone who was lost - but now he is found. Recently, I have sent him the best congrats from my heart for his little newborn: because life is good and we have to cherish what we have at the present. I am so glad that I could do that, right before his baby boy was born...

(God does have His plan!)

HC was once lost too, hope that I am also the reason for him to be found - now and forever (with God's help for sure)!

What is my nature?

2008-03-08T06:03:00.000-08:00

In recent days, I have been working full-time and planning for my wedding at the same time. It becomes amazing looking at what I can do and achieve, or what I cannot do or achieve, so that I learn to be humble and ask for help.

I love my job as a behavioral interventionist, but unfortunately the work condition has been bad that I don't know how long I can survive. At the same time, for advancement I have to return to school: preparing a pre-req year for grad school, or studying for a practical teacher's certification. I cannot seem to decide between the two. Majority of my colleagues are grad students in behavioral psychology.

I just want to do something from my nature.

I am grateful for what I have learned in the past year and a half. I am inspired in many ways to deal with daily difficult situations and learn to be compassionate. That is the best gift I can ever get from the field of special education!

Vulnerability

2008-01-24T02:01:00.000-08:00

For God is a fair judge, I place my full trust in You.

Today, as I exited work after having a work meeting, I have had the most vulnerable feeling since last year's January. I just could not stop crying. Sometimes, life isn't fair, and I just have to learn how to be a fair player in this unjust world.

There's nothing wrong about the work meeting. I value my job and love the new environment. I can only appreciate what people do me good, and keep training myself up when people do me bad. There isn't good or bad for people's actions, because it all depends how you view those affecting own personal and professional lives.

It is difficult to explain this to my fiance, because he is the type of person who never has to truly worry and has the unlimited mobility and support from family. He does things in his way all the time, and even, he would rule your words and thoughts because he knows that you love and care for him. I can tell you that it is a pain to live with a 'little prince' - but friends would keep asking, why would you pick this person to be the partner of your life?

Lately, I have been undergoing a new stage of stress, which so-called 'New Year Stress.' Why? Because in the new year, everyone hopes to develop a new scheme of New Year Resolutions. While implementing them is a commitment, it doesn't come from one person, but from all. I can speak from life experiences that people commit when they truly believe that this would work, or simply they just want to follow and hopefully some leaders would guide them in the right way. I am both a leader and a follower, but my life is going to make a different course for marrying to another man.

Simplicity is the beauty. Ignorance is a bliss. When you love someone, it creates this zone of vulnerability for the other party to abuse and take advantage of you - and sometimes, you love till it hurts and it is time to retreat. I wish that someone can also treat me unconditionally, but I know that this will never happen on a human being, because we are limited and it is God's mercy to help us grow stronger when the wounded heart can be healed.

Why do people suffer? Can sufferings be eliminated? I don't know if I can truly believe in my fiance's view on how we can eliminate sufferings but trying not to experience it in the first place, but life can't be complete if things come in perfect form. I wish that I can rewind life by bringing him to be with me at my departed mom's bedside at the hospital and show him how God has transformed my life by witnessing the immense strength that she demonstrated to persist till her natural end in life. She teaches me this most important lesson in life - it is to fight life to the fullest and to the end, when God is ready to take us back to heaven.

Brokenness can sometimes be the most beautiful thing that we can ever experience, because we know that the importance of life comes from within, the inner strength, rather than superficial things that will pass like material possessions, and sometimes even your name.

Disability can make us humble and grow in complete form when we win the game of life. I just wish that he can understand and stop complaining about going to India in a month for a short work-term. Thank God!

Do you place your trust in your job, or in your marriage, maybe both, or even none?

I can only say that I feel very vulnerable now and have to say goodbye for a good retreat.
Thanks for caring by reading my blog.

What does it mean to stay fit?

2007-11-13T21:44:00.000-08:00

Recently, I have been working out in a gym and trying out various ways to better tune in my workout style.

One of my favorite ones at gym are aerobic running machine, ab scultor, gym ball, and yoga.

Thanks to my fiancee for getting me a gym membership. This is exactly what I asked for! Sometimes, it becomes a lonely chore when I just go without a specific fitness goal in mind.

I also really like the personal trainer program, where he/ she guides you through many moves to build up body strength and resiliency. He told me that I need to journal all of my foods in each meal, as well as to eat within an-hour window after each of our session. This is just amazing!

In my first personalized training session, I had to work upon basic position - with 90-degree angle knees and hips, a curved back, and a straight spine. I need to hold it, jump and hold it (be it in the middle position, plus left and right positions), and gradually make these postures going deeper. I also was working with a half-gym ball and a full-size gym ball to strengthen my mind in holding my basic position, in the middle, then to the sides. I also had to pull a stick to work on my ab muscles in 180-degree motion. Towards the end, I had to walk in a straight line in basic position. This is an amazing workout! Of course, by closing my eyes, I had to think deeper and laugh at my mistakes when I see them after opening eyes! :)

At the end, I had a great stretching routine done with my trainer pushing all my joints and teaching me which muscles are to be stretched. I really like to learn about this and hopefully develop good exercising habits to continue staying fit!

I have to remind myself not to curve my back, keep my sternum up, and work upon the strength of pelvis (aka. hip bones), as well as building muscles (lean mass) to replace excess body fat around the waist. This is such a big goal!!!!!

I hope to achieve this fitness goal before taking my wedding photos in Mar :)

What does it mean to get married?!

2007-11-10T09:42:00.000-08:00

When people think of marriage, they may come up with images of romance with beautiful dresses, blessings, and many colors of warmth and love...

To me, marriage is something abstract that truly exists. As paradoxical as it seems, it is a relationship that is shared between a male and a female in holy union, ruled and lived out by LOVE.

When I firstly said 'yes' to my fiancee who proposed to me in the summer, I didn't know a lot about marriages - or even, I get discouraged from the stories of my friends, or from my first teachers - my parents. Mixed feelings and thoughts circle in my mind. I truly believe in love, but how can you be sure that your partner is also true in love? (or sometimes, how do you know if you yourself is truly in love or not?)

It is a gift that as I was listening to 'Theology of the Body' by JPII, I learn how to think with inspiration that how a male and female earn salvation in God - and each marriage has a message to tell the world. At often times, I come across with individuals with their own self-interests in pursuing benefits of marriages. Although I don't enjoy seeing them, I can see the point where they come from - it is rooted out from fear and thoughts only about SELF.

In a marriage, if love doesn't exist, it is only a legal contract involved with economic benefits. I think that may be still ok at some point - but what about kids if they ever have one? Or maybe that is the reason why some couples don't want kids?

Having worked with kids, I have come to see how important it is for a family to develop when mom and dad have a good and supportive relationship. Think twice before entering a marriage! Some may think that putting the kid as a priority in the relationship, but unfortunately when two people aren't in good terms, how can the kid feel warm and safe truly? (or simply painting a fake picture of warmth and safety to the kids, who will eventually grow out and know how hurtful for this lie has long existed)

Another point to consider, how do you know if your partner is also interested in someone else (a third party) after marriage? It is like a 'what-if' hypothetical question, but this problem truly exists. In the present society, if a man spends a big chunk of time in developing a successful career, the chances are much higher because young women often find a crush on him. That also works in the opposite gender too.

How do you know if 'morality' exists in the world we live in?

Lately, my fiancee and I have been discussing about the topic of 'morality.' How do you know if I am moral? How do you know if I act morally?

I have a 5-year old student who once asks me, "Why are there rules in the world? I don't like them, because I just want to do what I want."

Probably caught surprised by this question, I tried my best to answer: Let's say - one day your best friend in school comes up to you and takes your favorite toy away from you and says, "I take your toy and it's mine, because I like it and that's what I want to do." How would you feel?

Rules exist for a reason. I understand that adults and children don't like rules. They exist to provide not only social order, but also provide love and peace. How can that be? Well, something between a man and woman - like marriage, can there be no rules? Can there just be self-interests or instant gratification, without hurting anyone (whether it be your true-half, or your children)?

I was trying to give a simple answer: respect. How can we give respect to other people? Children may not grasp this easily, because they were just simply taught by parents to do it, without knowing why. Love is respect - when you love a person, you respect the other person: be it right or wrong, to let him/her do and go. This is very difficult, but respecting others also gives me the opportunity to respect myself.

I don't know what the society was like back in 50 years ago - it was probably more 'moral' than nowadays, but all I can say is that if we aren't playing the rules right in life, the price will eventually have to be paid.

Hope that I've learnt how to do things right in the first place.
Also, it is more committed to do it right than to do it wrong...
Cherish the life granted and make good use of the time for making the world a better place to live! (because some may never have this chance to - but we have)

Getting married is such a complex topic! :)

Becoming a Better Person

2007-04-06T17:14:00.000-07:00

In the past week, I have been under some big stress from work. Although I have kept telling myself that I have tried my best, I want to keep challenging myself that I can be better because this is the only way to learn and grow.

Working with challenging kids always challenge you into different personal capacity and emotional versatility. I always tell myself - I wish I can go back to school, I wish I can learn more kiddy songs, I wish I know ASL, I wish I know about special diet and nutritions, I wish I know about supplements and meds, I wish I can exercise good childcare and first aid judgment - haha... all these wishes, hopefully they won't become sth that I cannot cope.

Well, I know for sure that one thing that I cannot develop - the MATERNAL INSTINCT! (I was joking with my colleagues if I have it, I would be in deep trouble!!)

New Career --> New Home

2007-03-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

It is an exciting experience to be able to move on with something new.

Since last August, I have started working as a junior behavioral interventionist providing ABA therapy to kids with autism. I have gone through home sessions, as well as preschool for the moment. Working with various kids and colleagues, autism can happen to any cultural families and social economic factor. But one thing for sure, this is sth resulted from genetic influences, rather than 'poor parenting skills.'

Also, it was quite unique that I went to Victoria for Dr. Carbone's conference and met with people from the island. Apparently, my boss is very kind and supports me to continuously take courses to improve teaching methods.

Currently, I'm preparing to start teaching piano in ABA and it seems like this is sth that the parents are very eager to have their kids to develop - not an asset for earning big $$$$ for future career, but rather a tool for helping themselves of self-expression. If anyone is interested in sharing any info or teaching methods together, pls feel free to message me here.

The more I work in this field, the more I enjoy this. It does a lot of inner strength to overcome many challenging behaviors with kids, but I can assure you that this type of special education work really helps - growing personally!! In the past half a year, I really have to make myself to think and act maturely, living everyday to the best potential and always acting on the positive note. (some ppl can surprise me on this aspect)

As my boss says, "This is a life-long learning career." If you like it, you will really love it for the rest of your life. If you don't like it, you won't survive in three months.

* * * *

Moving into a new homey is the upcoming BIG project. Yes, I'm very motivated to change the present lifestyle and wanted something that is more manageable.

The real estate market can be very confusing due to the complexity of network to be dealt with. Banks, law firms, insurance corps, and the gov't - you may fall into traps of spending extra money for not meeting the deadlines, may get sued if you don't sth fixed, may breech a contract for losing your choice of property if the right resources aren't pooled together...

* * * *

I pray to God that this is sth that pleases You and keeps working towards a good vocation.

2006-06-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

2006-06-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

All of my fav articles with Prof. Coren

2006-06-14T14:34:00.000-07:00

WHAT DO DOGS DO 2? - Stanley Coren

In most places in the Western world, laws only acknowledge the value of dogs as if they were just anothe form of property. One newspaper article, for example, reported the case of one Else Brown, a 67 year-old widow, whose dog, Tilly, was killed by a neighbor in a drunken act of aggression. The court ruled that this was not an assault, but just a crime against property, which would be treated like simple vandalism - the equivalent of breaking a window. Thus Tilly's murderer was simply given a fine equal to the cost of the dog (just a pitiful few dollars, since she had been adopted from an animal shelter). The years of love and caring, the loss of companionship had no dollar value in the eyes of the law.

Dogs know that you can buy them if you have enough money. It will take more than money; however, to buy the wag of their tails.

WHAT DO DOGS DO? - by Stanley Coren

Dogs do many things to help people. One of their most unusual functions involves assisting in psychotherapy.

This all started with Sigmund Freud, who had a series of dogs, most of them chow-chows. Freud felt that dogs had a special sense that allows them to judge a person's character accurately. For this reason his favorite chow-chow, Jo-Fi, attended all of his therapy sessions; Freud admitted that he often depended upon Jo-Fi for an assessment of the patient's mental state. He also felt the presence of the dog seemed to have a calming influence on all patients, particularly children.

More recent studies have shown that Freud was correct. Physiological measures show that petting a calm and friendly dog actually reduces stress (as shown by reduced muscle tension, more regular breathing and a slower heart rate). There is even some evidence that people who own dogs are likely to live longer and require less medical attention.

Freud's dog Jo-Fi would alert him to any stress or tension in a patient by where he lay down during the session. He lay relatively close to calm patients, but would stay across the room if the patient was tense. Jo-Fi also helped the great psychoanalyst determine when a therapy session was finished by unfailingly getting up and moving toward the office door when the hour was up. Freud, however, denied the rumor that Jo-Fi actually did the therapeutic psychoanalysis and wrote up the case reports.

WHAT TALES DO DOG TELL? - by Stanley Coren

It is probably the case that few dogs know there is a holiday set aside for them - the third of November, which is the feast day of Saint Hubert, the patron saint of dogs. Hubert was the son of the Belgian Duke of Guienne. As a young man, he was boisterous and self-indulgent, and he dearly loved to hunt. His redeeming grace was his love of dogs.

The story is that he and some friends irreverently took their hounds out to hunt on Good Friday in 683 A.D. During the hunt, the dogs suddenly stopped their pursuit and reverently lay down in front a great white stage. When the stag turned, Hubert saw the imagine of the Cross between its antlers and heartd the voice of God telling him that it was time to begin to hunt for virtue. Shortly thereafter Hubert took holy orders, established an abbey, and eventually rose to be a bishop of the church. At the abbey he continue to breed dogs and created the Saint Hubert hound, from which our modern bloodhounds have descended.

In early November, some years ago, I was traveling through rural North Carolina. I stopped when I came upon a large crowd standing in front of a church. The crowd consisted of all kinds of people and dogs: children with pets, shepherds with sheepdogs, and hunters with hounds. The priest mounted the church steps, dressed in white robes, and proceeded to give the "Mass of the Dogs" in honor of Saint Hubert. At the end the oldest dog was called up and blessed, and then every dog in turn received a benedictory touch from the priest. I am certain that no dog present barked even once during the entire proceedings. Actually, according to my recollection, many dogs seemed to bow their heads respectfully during the prayer service.

Good Friday Letter (April 14, 2006)

2006-04-14T20:56:00.000-07:00

Good Friday Letter on April 14, 2006

Dear God,

Why have you forsaken me in the midst of storms and troubles? Have I not listened well to your voice? I feel scared and threatened - because evil is around me and darkness ate me into the bones of pain. My heart is broekn into million pieces, but yet Your amazing Love comes in the right time to save me from the hill of thorns. I know that I no longer am alone, because You walk with me on the path of search - for peace, truth, and joy that keep my face wearing a smile always.

("Keep believing." I'm letting go some of the things that Nick has once said to me.)

I am no longer alone, because You have saved me. Amen. Your convenant of love will remain forever.

With prayers!

WYD Testimony at my home parish

2005-10-02T13:40:00.000-07:00

Dear friends of St. Mary’s:

My name is Patricia. I’m 24 and I’m a student in UBC. The theme of this year’s World Youth Day Cologne is: “We have come to worship Him” from Matthew 2:2.

Cologne is a city filled with history and many pilgrimage sites. As walking through the city and flipping through program books, I read about the stories of the Three Magi following the star in search of baby Jesus, as well as stories of many patron saints of Germany and World Youth Day. About one year ago, as I was discerning for the journey to Cologne, it was at the point of my life that I really wanted to see Jesus – not only as a divine figure that I prayed with only in church, but also someone that I can see, touch, dialogue with and encounter in human form in everyday life. When I saw the info disseminated from the Youth Ministry, to me it was really like Jesus saying, ‘Patricia, put down all your “fish nests” – for now is the time to go with me in search of faith, to become one of the many worshippers for the journey to Cologne.’ I did not regret saying ‘yes’ despite of the fact that it was an ever physically, spiritually, and emotionally challenging journey – I can never forget God for He has shown me on this pilgrimage many wonderful works of faith and healing to both personal and spiritual growth. I was deeply touched by the message that John Paul II wrote in his letter to the youth: “My dear young people, you too offer to the Lord the gold of your lives, namely, your freedom to follow Him out of love, responding faithfully to His call; let the incense of your fervent prayer rise up to him, in praise of His glory; offer Him your myrrh, that is your affection of total gratitude to Him, true Man, who loved us to the point of dying as a criminal on Golgotha.”

One of the themes during the Days of Encounter is: “Guest is a blessing.” That especially reminds me about the heart-warming hospitality of my host family back in Dorfen! I truly miss them and feel very touched that they took good care of my friend, Helen, and I as if we were part of his family (ie. I developed some ‘nostalgic symptoms’ right after my journey back in Vancouver that I had to eat German pretzels, croissants with cold cuts, and many many other German foods until I felt better…^^) I also feel very lucky to be able to go with them to visit Altotting, which is close to Altotting and is one of the seven places in Europe for Marian Apparition. I saw many pictures, rosaries, and crutches hung on the outside wall as offerings to give thanks to Mother Mary for helping them in many life-and-death situations, as well as bringing hope and great faith to those who are in sickness – such as many of those who offered their crutches and can walk like normal people do! I also took up the strength to carry a wooden cross and walk around the central church – it wasn’t easy at all than I had firstly thought! It was difficult not because of its heavy weight; however, it was because the shame as sinners that I was carrying the cross and perhaps I could only understand just a glimpse of how difficult Jesus was carrying the Cross for us!

It was a blessing that I was able to go to Bavaria where Pope Benedict XVI grew up and then met with him in Cologne in person to celebrate the World Youth Day at Marienfeld. Although I could only see him as a tiny white spot from afar, I was moved by the words that he spoke to us firmly and sharply and the attempt to reach all of the audience through speaking in various languages. As I was holding the candle at the vigil, out of imagination – as the sky was turning into complete darkness, the stars began to sparkle as if they were comforting me from coldness, emptiness, and extreme fatigue, and surprisingly as I was singing Taize chants with the crowds, as if I could see the smiling face of Brother Rogers, as well as John Paul II waving at me and the crowds – at that moment, I said to myself, “Is that what all life means?” God has made me a soul and a body. I can now really say to myself, "If I cannot see through that my body is a just means to achieve the soul of God, life is nothing but the empty body!”

Last but not least, I would now like to take a few moments to say ‘thank you’ to all of you at St. Mary’s to support us, the WYD pilgrims, in fundraising events and prayers. Thank you to my friends – Mildred, Rovika, and Catty – for your love and kindness that we worked together to make this trip into a reality.

Please continue to keep all of the WYD pilgrims in prayers so that they may continue to live out the experience from Cologne in everyday life and share the fire to many youths out there who are waiting for the call to attend World Youth Day in Sidney in 2008!

Thank you and God bless.

WCCCLC Promotion Article

2005-05-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,

Blessed be to God for the unforgettable experience in WCCCLC!!

Attending this annual Catholic living camp has been an important part of my university life beginning from the year of Jubliee. The work of Holy Spirit began to sparkle and change me in deeper ways as I said "Yes" to God for attending the first year and helping out in choir and piano-playing.

From my own experience, Praise-and-Worship and Taize prayer sessions are the highlights of the camp, because not that I only listen to the inspiring talks that various speakers give, but being able to dialogue with God in a two-way path as He sends Holy Spirit to lead and guide thru the community prayers and resonate the spiritual ambiance that exists within the camp and the hearts of everyone.

Also, I think that the unique characteristic of this camp is the channel to dig into the heritage roots of Chinese culture. Being exposed to poems, writings, songs written in Chinese, I am able to take back home what I learnt and grow with my parents in terms of our faith and culture, that flourish with joy in our hearts. By sharing a common camping experience in WCCCLC, we are lightened in the fires of God's love that we bring peace and share it with others in cellgroups, prayer groups, and church groups that we belong to. Taking the piece to build up the family and the church locally. Also, taking that building piece to empower families and churches from afar with which we share relationships, because God's love has already conquered the physical and cultural boundaries, as well as human weaknesses as we steadfastly believe and offer them up to God.

Being a travellor and a music-lover, WCCCLC has impacted me in a deeper journey with God, as well as with my community of friends (those who share laughters and bears my weaknesses, fear and anxiety, as a young adult), through rain and shine. There's nothing that can separate us apart, because we are together companions and God is the Father, Healer, and Teacher. It's from God's blessings that no matter how many times I stripped and fell, there has always been a voice in the heart to encourage and move on -- in a touching way, the infinite source ever to grow, remain, and act in virtues of faith, hope, and love. Despite of being a witness to heartbroken separations, human sicknesses and death, with the support and care from my dear friends that I'm able to remain in love with God as a child and make his gospel as a reality that counter-defeats what appears to be true in front of me, but in fact it's only a superficial fad or trickery in the world that I inhabit.

"Playing a piano or singing is a way to make sounds or noises. With the love in God that the music coming from the instruments and human voices become a true beauty to human nature and divinity."

I pray that more youngsters will come to the experience with God in an ever-changing way in WCCCLC. May the Holy Spirit continue to thrive in the hearts of many WCCCLCers and bear fruits through hard labor of faith and ministries that each of us have made to this community of God's love and bonding! Amen.

Blessings,
Patricia
(written on May 11, 2005)

Tokyo - third + fourth day

2005-05-10T14:12:00.000-07:00

Third Day - Aug 31, 2004 (Tue)

I was thrilled to come to the second last day of the travel! After last day's experience, I used my guidebook more in depth to find info for the places travelled. And here I'd like to take you through for an informative/ educational experience in this journal =)

1. Imperial Palace and East Garden

Intro taken from Kokyo Higashi Gyoen Self-Guidebook...
"Kokyo Higashi Gyoen is located in the east part of the Imperial Palace where the Honmaru, Ninomaru, and Sannomaru buildings of Edo Castle used to stand. The place was refined as the Imperial Gardens at the time of construction of the Imperial Palace, and was opened to the public in 1968.

The gardens occupy approx. 21 hectares and include the remains of Edo Castle. Their peaceful environment is filled with nature.

Otemon Gate, Karakawamon Gate, or Kitahanebashimon Gate are opened for visitors to enjoy the the history and nature in this special site."

This book tells the story from Edo Castle to Imperial Palace, and the History of Edo Castle.

Interesting Facts:
- Verdurous Otemon Gate used to be the main gate of Edo Castle.
- Doshin Bansho is the Ote Third Gate, guarded by yoriki and doshin on duty.
- Oh Bansho is the most elevated guard post. Then comes, Hyakunin Bansho, and Doshin Bansho.
- Tokagakudo Music Hall - the musicians of Gakubu (gagaku Music department of the Imperial Household Agency), called gakushi, endeavor to preserve traditional musical forms gagaku, which have a history of 1,000 years in Japan.
- Gakushi's instruments include: Kaendaiko (a pair of big drums), Kakko, Sho, and Biwa.
- Ninomaru Grove - Symbolic Prefectual Tree List (ie. Kyoto - Kitayama cedar, Osaka - Ginkgo)
- Kokyo Higashi Gyoen Weekly Flower, available at: http://www.kunaicho.go.jp

This palace and garden visit took around 3km for 2 hours. I love this place because it's authentic in Japanese culture and symbolic with trees planted for different provinces in Japan, and the beautiful music hall (vistors restricted, however). It was a nice walk in nature, compared to last day's walk in Ginza and Tokyo Tower.

2. Ghibli Museum, Mitaka

It's a child's dream come true! Playing with Totoro, Cat Bus and Robot is a must~~ =) The entrance ticket is a little film card with 3 handpainted pictures... it's good as a souvenir already!

The director of G.M., Hayao Miyazaki, comments: This is the kind of museum I want to make!

"Something interesting but that would put visitors at their ease.
A museum where various things can be discovered.
A museum based on a clear and consistent philosophy.

The museum must be run in such a way as to...
Treat small children as if they were grown-ups;
Accomodate the handicapped as much as possible;
Give the staff a working environment to be confident and proud of;
Not force visitors to follow a pre-determinded, fixed course;
Provide exhibits that will stimulate a wealth of ideas, while avoiding worn out displays covered with dust.

The displays will be...
Not only for the benefit of people who are already fans of Studio Ghibli;
Not memorials to Studio Ghibli with only exhibits from its past films;
Things and spaces that will allow visitors to appreicate, just by looking, what it's like to be an animator and to gain a new appreciation for animation;
Original works and pictures made for the museum, and exhibited in a projection room or an exhibition room; works that can be made to come alive; original short films that have been created for and released in the museum only;
Exhibitions of Ghibli's past films that will encourage a deeper understanding of these films.

The Museum Shop will be... A shop run for the sake of the visitors to the museum; Not a bargain shop that attaches importance only to sales volume; A shop that keeps improving with time; A shop that sells original items made only for the museum.

The Museum's relation to the park is... Not just about caring for the plants and surrounding greenery but also planning for how things will be 10 years into the future; Something that would cause people to say that since the museum was founded, the park surrounding the museum has become even lusher and better in every way.

This is what I expect the museum to be, and therefore I will find a way to do it.

This is the kind of museum I don't want to make... A pretentious museum; An arrogant museum; A museum that treats its contents as if they were more important than people; A musem that displays uninteresting works as if they were significant."

(~ taken and edited from Ghibli Museum reference book, copyright)

Places for discovery:

i. Totoro Entrance *seeing totoro in 'real life'... aowwww~~~
ii. Permanent Display Room *ghibli's real artist studio and portfolio
iii. Cat Bus Room *only little kids can ride on cat bus... and i'm not one of them -__-
iv. Saturn Theater *viewing a whale film
v. Central Hall *European deco spiral staircases
vi. Arigatou Store *The souvenir shop where I got Horace a 'blank' gift ;p
vii. Patio *where a well is located!
viii. Straw Hat Cafe *it's got soft icecream!!!

Being at Ghibli Museum is an unbelievably experience. You just have to go and see it!!!! Remember to buy ticket in advance (in your local JMB offices; or any Lawsons convenience store in Japan), as they don't sell any at the door. I recommend taking a stroll in this little charming neighborhood, as opposed to taking the shuttle bus from Mitaka JR station. You'd get to see a lot of interesting daily lifestyle of a Japanese and walk to the museum with little kids too!! =)

3. Odaiba
Take the Yurikamome line from Shimbashi Station - Daiba Station
The ride itself is interesting, as it crosses Rainbow Bridge and affords good views of bay area developments.

Walked in Decks Tokyo Beach and Aqua City complex. Saw Fuji TV Broadcast Center and Observatory Platform, as well as Palette Town - at night =)

i. La Cantinetta Dell Enoteca Pinchiorri - a beautiful, charming little reception + chapel facing the romantic rainbow bridge + Italian restaurant (perhaps getting married there isn't a bad choice ;) same in Tokyo Disneyland, heheheee)
ii. Wako Tonkatzu *in the Decks Tokyo Beach complex, a place to try the tonkatsu; standard teishoku starts at 1000 yen

I really wish to come back to Odaiba again. Lots of Honger stuff there too. It's a romantic experience!

Last night in the motel, I was happy to pack and go! Missed the tatami, Maicha and Hojicha, Japanese + English style toilets and bathrooms, Massage chairs, and a companion for travel~

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fourth Day - Sept 1 (Wed)

Just before departure at 9:30am, I left a message to home(s)... Correspondence:
Date: Wed, 1 Sep 2004 17:16:40 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Patricia Ma"
Subject: Leaving motel

Hey guys,
I`m leaving my motel now. It`s been an unforgettable
trip :)
Horace is going to pick me up in Vancouver.
No worries. See you soon!
luv,
pat ma
sept 2/2004
9am

Leaving with the Bombay man (yes, he finally made up the mind to go out for sightseeing), we took the JR train and parted each other when I got to Shinjuku. (Good luck!!) I only had as little as two hours to shop thru this big shopping land~~ Flags, Southern Terrace... and I also got to walk up to where the Red-Light Entertainment area is. It's interesting to see so much and I couldn't stop making the final purchase in Tokyo~~ Green tea ceremony equipment, a plaided hat... but you see, the stuff there is kind of pricey~~ I'm sure that there're other places in Tokyo who sells stuff in gd price if you know where to go for!

Heading back to the airport, on Kensei line, I was very light-hearted and happy for this journey. One of the life-time experience that couldn't miss - it's to go backpacking on own. No one beside you. You take care yourself and you go into troubles and get out from there on own. Uneasy and yet it's so much adventure. Big trade-offs as well. Anyway, it's at the finishing line of this trip, here I am back at Narita by 2pm!

Sitting at the yahoo internet cafe, I had a little time to drop my friends a few words before leaving. It's amazing to see so much! And I promise to come back to Tokyo again... and go on comfortable ends and hot, steamy onsens! It's gonna be so much fun too!!! Sayonara!!!!!!

Most commonly used phrases...
- ohayo gozaimasu (good morning)
- dozo (go ahead)
- onegai shimasu (please)
- arigatou gozaimasu (thanks very much)
- gomen nasai (sorry)
- ma san desu (i'm Miss Ma ^^)
- hajimemashita (nice meeting you the first time)
- shashin o totte mo ii desu ka? (is it ok to take a photo?)
- kore o kudasai (please give me this *pointing at the menu ^^)
- hai (yes)/ iie (no)
- .... wa doko desu ka? (where is the....?)
- .... made ikura desu ka? (how much is the fare?)
- kore wa ... e ikimasu ka? (does this train/ bus/ etc go to...?)
- .... o karitai no desu ga. (I'd like to go to...)
- .... e wa dono yo ni ikeba ii desu ka? (how do i get to...?)
- yushoku gohan (dinner!)
- all numbers!!!!

Arigatou ^___^ God bless on this adventure... and more importantly, thanks for your support, everybuddy!!!

Resources:

Ghibli Museum, Mitaka http://www.ghibli-museum.jp
Fuji TV Station and Observatory Deck, Odaiba http://www.fujitv.co.jp
Palette Town, Odaiba http://www.palette-town.com
Southern Terrace Shopping, Shinjuku http://www.southernterrace.jp
Flags Shopping, Shinjuku http://www.flagsweb.jp

Photos:

Please visit my homepage album - Look under Grad Trip =)
Thanks for dropping by, folks!! Hope you enjoy the story and the photos!!!!

With love,
Patricia

Tokyo - part two

2005-05-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

Second Day - Aug 31, 2004

After dozing thru the night of typhoon, the sun woke me up at around 9:45am and I felt so blessed that the day is sunny (with no little rain at all)!!

Looking around everywhere in ryoken, the scenery was so nice! It had a bit of zen garden feeling. It was open door access. The only security system was the beeper when anyone walked into the ryoken. (Perhaps this Tokyo neighborhood was known to be safe) There were two social rooms, one having massage chairs, TV, CD player, computer with internet access, and the other one having two sofas, two more computers, and a long-distance calling card phone. (Both with Air-con too!) On the other side, there were public bathrooms in Japanese style - one for women and one for men (you got to shower with everybody else and share the hot tub bath!).

After touring around the ryoken, I started the first day of adventure with a metropolitan touch!! JR Train, metro, and walking all day. I also thanked Watai Sensei (my JAPN 102/3) and Lonely Planet survival phrase section, for easing the language barrier. Well, there're places who don't prefer to speak English, and Tokyo is one of the them on the toppest list!!

1. Asakusa Kannon Temple/ Nakamise Shopping Street
Buddist Temple - Guan Yin (unbelievable!!!!)
I-ching
Japanese sweeties and cookies (in gd prices!!)
Organic Plums
God of Earth *tou dei gong gong ^^ - character from Doraemon located and found!
Legendary Seven Gods

2. Ginza
Itoya Bookstore *bought cool cards and stationaries
Mitsukoshi Department Store *bought a Burberry!! ^^
Yamaha Store *got Horace a gift

3. Tokyo Tower
Overlook the night scenery of Tokyo! And meet with many tourists from Australia and Taiwan! *went up to the special upper deck too!!

4. Roppongi
Nightlife *didn't stay coz it was already too late to go home... but restaurants, bars are great there!! love the ambiance~~

I got 'home' (my ryoken) at around 11:30pm. The bathrooms were all closed! Had to sneak in the public one, which seemed to be unlocked, and get a good bath with a lot of unfamiliar Japanese facilities~ Wearing an oversize kimono, I had to go over to the social room - meeting a couple of other foreign travellors. There I met a karate student from Bombay who helped me with shiatzu for the strained left leg and right elbow (which got worse in Tokyo... as I slightly injured myself from Shanghai~). I heartfully thanked him; and in return, I taught him how to go to Tokyo Tower in English as he told me that he had been isolated in ryokan because he didn't know how to speak or read Japanese/ Chinese. He also told me that he was very lonely for not being able to go out and missed home a lot =( Trying to help but maintaining a distance, my heart told me that it'd be good to keep talking with him and cheering him up! May God bless this soul in loneliness and help him to successfully finish his karate certificate for professional teaching in Bombay.

Writing an email back to my home(s)... Correspondence:

Date: Tue, 31 Aug 2004 09:20:43 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Patricia Ma"
Subject: My First Day of Tokyo Tour

Dear guys,
Sorry for letting you guys worry in the past few days.
I`m doing just fine and is quite tired after coming
back for a long trip of walking today. I went to
Senjo-ji (temple), Ginza, and Tokyo Tower, going
through the Japan Railway and the subways. It has
been an enriching experience because I`ve got to talk
in Japanese, reading maps and doing research, finding
food, and interacting with local people here :) A
couple on the street knew that I came from Canada -
the man bought me a treat (green tea paste cake, and
it`s superly oishii!!!) and the woman pinched my face
saying `kawaii ne~`... and I`m so glad to find
friendly faces around!
I`m planning to go to Imperial Palace, Ghibli Museum,
Shinjuku, and Odaiba (where the romantic Rainbow
Bridge is!) tomorrow. Wish that it`ll be a good, nice
experience :)
I`ve got to give instructions/ directions to tourists
here in my motel and in Tokyo Tower going back home...
maybe I do have a talent in giving correct directions
(as dad has always praised me when I was a little girl
pointing to the right place to find our family car in
strange parking lots)! Hehe!!
Unfortunately, I couldn`t find my friend, Julia, here
because her cell no. is just a wrong one... probably
the area code 80 isn`t correct. (For numbers here
always begin with 02 or 03, but those don`t work
either) Anyway, I`ve sent her a follow-up e-mail and
hopefully she`ll get back to me tomorrow.
Furthermore, I`m planning to leave 5-6 hours ahead
from my motel to get to Narita airport on Sept 2.
Thanks Dad for your directions. Yes, I took the
Keisei skyliner, exchange in Nippori (instead of
Ueno), and transfer in Kamata in order to get to
Chidorichi, where I live at the present.
Shopping and eating are very irresistable here in
Tokyo... but I really have refrained myself because
this trip is a backpacking experience. Girls here
dress up so nicely - just like those from Nonno
magazines everywhere in central Tokyo... *wow*
It`s getting late at night, so have to talk again
later... hai~ konbanwa! :)
Miss you all!
luv,
pat ma

After the day of experience, I came to enlightenment that being an independent travelor isn't an easy one - no matter how many little stories that my dad told me about Tokyo since little child, how much Japanese I was able to speak and things I got familiar, how lucky I got to meet with some locals/ other travelors for help - at the very end, there were just things that I just couldn't control... like the typhoon on the first night, the fact that I'm a solo-woman travelor... no vigilance or smartness could get away from these situation~ Walking thru the first day alone (with God beside me), the only reason why I put myself thru this was finding the Answer - an answer that explains why there are sickness and death in human beings. I couldn't understand why... my family had to go through so much... years after years of brokeness (for almost 10 years till 2004)... which had been very deeply hurting me - and sarcastically, this isn't sth that I could speak or compose on paper cognitively so that others could help~~ coz at the end, no one can help except myself. But, there has always been one thing for sure. One voice - coming from my heart to my mind - telling me to keep moving on, and things would soon be safe, good, and over. Just keep believing and smiling! =)

With no complaints, taking the grace that I've already had, humbling my ego, and developing a more heightened awareness for making it a safe and fun adventureous journey. Thank God for protecting me and disciplining me for being a 'rebellious kid' at heart before! The day was a rich harvest day of blessings indeed... with love from divinity.

~ to be continued

Resources:

Ginza - http://www.chuo-kanko.or.jp/chinese/ginza/profile.html
Yamaha - http://www.yamaha-ginza.co.jp
Roppongi - http://www.roppongihills.com/jp, http://www.azabujuban.or.jp
Tokyo Tower - http://www.tokyotower.co.jp

Good Travel Books:

Att. Japan - http://www.att-japan.net
My Dearest Life-Saver Book -- Lonely Planet Japan!!!!!

Tokyo Raider ^___^ - first day

2005-05-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

~Patricia's 4-DAYS-3-NIGHTS ADVENTURE IN TOKYO~

My third mini-grad trip in continuation from Shanghai
First Day - Aug 29, 2004 (Sun)

Exiting From Narita Airport to the JR Kensei Line, I dragged a baggage and had a backpack, attempting to get on the right train heading to downtown Tokyo. On the paper in my hand, it says, RYOKAN KANGETSU (1-2-20, Chidori, Ota-ku, Tokyo 146-0083, Japan). Although I tried so hard to get directions by phone, the operator hung up on me for speaking excessively broken Japanese. Well, Patricia could do it!!! I was even boastfully saying to myself, "Was it that difficult to get on the train to downtown anyways?"

After three-and-a-half hours in the JR transit (= the ordinary time travelled x 2 =p), I finally got to the big interchange station, Kamata. So touched~ =*] On the way seeing the countryside, the sky was getting dark but I was thrilled to make it to this foreign land out from the airport. When I exited Kamata to the other platform, an English-speaking (finally someone can speak English!!!!! thank God!!) attendant kindly spoke to me and gave me some support. He noticed my baggage with a flight no, which he told me that this was the ordinary flight flying from Hong Kong to Tokyo! How observant he was! =)

Dashing thru crowds of people, vending machines, noodle and snack bistro, magazine racks - 1000 yen, 500 yen, 200 yen, 100 yen - I dared not to stop, but I really wanna grab sth to eat before dying out!! I also saw Tokyu Department Store (a department store, which there was one in HK that my mom bought me scrunchies and braidies there~ i loved them and i couldn't forget~ Memory flashbacks that broke my heart... and yeah, how I missed her!) However, I couldn't make a stop but moving on, before the night got too dark. At the same time, I also worried that my dad would worry me sick. Luckily, as I began taking the next train, I finally found a machine that sells long-distance phone card. At first, I was afraid not knowing how to use it, dialing different codes to different places, because I had to tell my dad in China, my brother in HK, and Horace in Vancouver that I was stuck at the transit due to language barrier but everything was going fine. My dad was steamingly furious and worried to death over the phone, as if I would've got killed in a foreign city... (he didn't know that I was gonna live on own, but not with my highschool classmate, Julia) Anyway, there was a bit of misunderstanding there, but it was already too late. Finally, I got Horace on the phone - briefly let him know that I was fine, telling him about the frustration and excitement to be able to make it that far in this new city that I travelled on my own! It was already 7pm, and I had to persistently move on.

Off going on a second transit train, about half an hour later, I finally arrived at Chidoricho Station!!! The convenience stores were still open. Asking around for directions, a Japanese man kindly led me to the entrance of the motel in about 2 blocks away in the back alley...

And finally, finally, I arrived at my motel - Ryokan Kangetsu~ =)
It has beautiful facilities. Traditional Japanese style. Barley tea served in chill, for the refresh of soul. No English-speaking staff, however. Credit card shown up front to pay in total for the 4 days and 3 nights. Totally love it!!

After unloading my bags, I was very hungry as it was almost 9pm at that time. I strolled in the neighborhood for food and drink hunt!! (Pocari, rice balls, crackers) Like a Japanese habitant, I shopped in the supermarket and convenient stores, checking out the average price of goods!

Back to the ryokan, I took a photo for the victory of SURVIVAL~! Before the gentlemen worrying me dead, I wrote them the first email from Tokyo:

Date: Mon, 30 Aug 2004 04:52:59 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Patricia Ma"
Subject: Ogenki desu?

Dear guys,
Finally!!! I`m now in Chidorichi-ku, about 8 mins MTR
away from Tokyo center. A lot of things have happened
during the trip getting here in the motel, but I`m so
grateful and happy because I didn`t know how stupid
I`m in terms of buying train tickets in a foreign
country... by the time I get here, my brain is all
blank and my body is very very sweaty (coz it`s very
hot here in Tokyo too!)

Unfortunately, my vancouver cellphone call has been
lost and I couldn`t have a mobile phone around with
me. However, the good thing is that there are plenty
of computers around in my motel so that I could send
you an instant update within seconds. I also
attempted to call long distance and so also bought
calling cards. The calls ate up a lot of my petty
cash, so I`ll refrain from talking for too long :(
Tokyo is a beautiful city! I look forward to sharing
with you all my experience here, and photos too!!
People here are pretty nice and helpful. So don`t
have to worry about me :) okok?
Hugs and kisses from Tokyo~!

Just before bed, I silently said a little prayer, "Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing me here safely today."

Over the midnight, a typhoon strongly blew. It also came with heavy rain; and the electricity went out. I started noticing the darkness everywhere outside the window, as well as the corridor out from the room. It was intimidating; however, I was too tired to overthink and kept myself asleep in the warm tatami~ My eyes couldn't close, but gradually, about an hour, tiredness took over and I just went soundly asleep...

~ to be continued

Resources:

New Tokyo International Airport at Narita - http://www.narita-airport.or.jp/airport

Japan Railways - http://www.jreast.co.jp

Hello, greetings to you all!

2005-03-06T17:25:00.000-08:00

Dear my friends,

Thanks for visiting me here at blogrings! I recently have a blog running at xanga... Pls drop by at this address to visit me sometimes =)

http://www.xanga.com/lav_pat

My website is currently under construction... in need of help from my comp sci friends and my bf... (yes, I really need your advice~~) pls stay tuned for the publishing soon!

Cheers,
Pat