After working in the field of disabilities for almost 3 years, I am trying re-work some of the past memories in life where ethical decisions were to be made that bring about the outcome of today's life situation.
Our family had to face an issue of DNR at the hospital around 8 years ago, when our mother had a serious brain injury from a pedestrian accident. To me, I was 19. Didn't even know what life is all about - but had to face an issue of death. (Same as for my older brother, I am sure) Our father was in China at that moment to resolve a business crisis. To him, it was also a traumatic experience for the fact that he had to lose either one - business or spouse. He didn't know for the fact that my mother got worse after he left, thus when he was back, he had to accept the fact that his wife was not there anymore.
It was a difficult time for us. It still is. It is living fact now - as I have been mothering my family in the past 8 years' time. Everything - good and bad - from the male members of my family, I have seen them all. Sometimes, to the point that I started to get very 'upset' with the male part of the world, but luckily, Horace brings in a new perspective as we get married to live together this year! (My church choir, or Fr. Mark, can tell that I am changed!)
To me, I believe that each life has a value.
Especially for those who have disabilities, they teach us that life has a value.
How can we project our future by calculating the 'quality of life' in terms of numerical numbers and societal values?
I'm not trying to push my poor mind into a corner, but really if I were to have a stronger faith and a better brain at 19, I would NOT agree to the DNR order upon my mother. The issue was two-sided: (1) although her state of health was poor, at least she could get to wait for my father to come back and say goodbye; (2) how do we not know how life would have laid out things nicely for her? Why do we have to assume that we are 'God' who can see and decide upon things for everyone around her and for her?
Some people would disagree with me upon the stance towards DNR, as this is a controversial topic anyway. I just don't believe in the fact that disabilities don't have a life -- they just have a different lifestyle but can still enjoy what we're enjoying today. It is a choice for life! Only if we choose to live!!
(Written in memory of my beloved mother, Amy Ma-Tsang, 1947-1999)
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2 comments:
My dear Patricia, DNR has always been a difficult thing to comprehend, both for patients (and their family) as well as for doctors. As controversial as it is, (and remaining completely non-judgemental with respect to your mother's situation), I just want to leave this comment because I don't want to see you blaming yourself for having made a "wrong" decision.
Simply put, DNR means that when one's heart stops beating (in other words, when death occurs), we choose to accept it and let it be instead of trying to reverse the situation. It does NOT mean active withdrawal of treatment to bring about death. In other words, DNR is a way of letting God (and not man) decide what should happen and what is best for the patient. At least this is my way of reconciling with the issue of DNR.
And I totally and strongly agree with you that a disabled life is still a life that is worth living.
With love,
Christina
Thanks for your caring words!
Things always happen for a reason, as I believe (even without religious context). Learn to be patient would be something that I constantly need to work out my feelings and be more understanding.
And sadly, some people just take my understanding for granted... that's why it has made me quite mad - but I know, I shouldn't be.
This is a test for me, for sure.
I'm accepting it.
It just takes a long time... wish to be over soon.
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