What does it mean to play a piece of music?

Day 2

I always wonder about myself - am I not suitable to play at the piano? Why did I fail myself many times to achieve what I have to achieve?

After listening to some clips on You Tube, I see how the piano players are breathing the music into their being and performing as if they are dining with the composer!

My fingers are very stiff playing Brahm's Intermezzo No. 116. I'm struggling to find the melody line, but also trying to flow through the rhythm that gives life to the music. I don't want to sound a crippling woman. I want to 'fly like a bird'!

Playing thick chords is one of my very weak area. First, it is about the memory work. Second, it is about the technical work. I achieved only 6.5 out of 10 in my past exam. I really would hope to achieve 8.5 out of 10 in my coming exam!

Although marks is an important benchmark, I found myself most at ease when I want to make a sound for others to hear. In the past, I was a very shy, shy girl. I remember myself as a quiet individual who would not make a noise at all. There was no noise to the point that I didn't ever speak for myself. I didn't want to express my feelings. I wasn't feeling worthless of self, but I didn't think that anyone would notice me whether I talked loud or soft, discussed anything important or meaningless, or sang with passion or with wrong notes - I just passed through the stage of time with many opportunities missed.

When I reflected upon myself, I didn't love myself enough to love the world. If I love the music that I play, I want you to hear it and you will feel good. That's what I want to achieve in this stage of life! I really want you to hear some good music. You would feel good. You would remember it. You would find it warm in many years down the road to recall and cherish.

Lord - please give me the strength to persist.